M

To meet a friend after 10 long years and then to realise she is engaged makes you wonder at what pace the time has flown. If only there was a rewind button.

Marilyn Monroe

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Christmas

Of late, I have not blogged as much as I  would have ideally liked. There has been a lot to cherish and write it down to memory. But. Mr. Laziness got the better of me and Ms. Procrastination seems to have become my new best friend. Which explains the absence, considering the amount of time I spend with them these days. For starters, I slept for 12 hours straight last night and I am embarrassed to the core. I got up and I wouldn't mind sleeping some more, which hurts my inner voice. Because my conscience has still not left my side, I am up and writing this post.

Christmas was great. I met up with my old roommates. We went to the midnight mass at St. Patricks Church and then surprised another of my former flatmates at her party. Hogging on good food never felt better. It was a reunion of sorts and the spontaneity of the plan added to the charm. 

These are the wonderful people who helped me in my first year in a new city.

Tanvi was in town and so Christmas dinner at 11 East Street brought out that christmassy feeling. Admidst all however, the weather has invited Mr. Cold and Ms. Cough, much to my dislike. *sneeze* Adios! :(

9 Dec - 16 Dec

I've been away for too long now. Well the first round of submissions is done. And so has happened the awaited trip. The countdown thus has long been over. A very pleasant week it was. Everything I expected it to be and more. Back to the normal grind, the fact that it is over is slowly sinking in!

Clueless

And all of a sudden when it is time to register for Placements and the time draws near, realization dawns. Four long years have flown by. I am still where I was. I don't know what I want in life. Rather I want everything. That I cannot have. Hence it is time to close some options. To narrow it down. I wish it was as easy as closing my eyes and seeing that thing shining so that I could follow it steadily. The fact is that all I see is a blur. The will is there. So is the determination. The problem remains with the focus. 

Birthday Baby

Ok. First with a sheepish grin I have to admit. I was not the first person to wish my boyfriend on his birthday. Infact, I came a late second. Not so bad you would think. But I'll tell you why. Ms. Hazarika slept off! Yes, she did. So she thought she will close her eyes and relax but in the process, managed to doze off and the only next time she came to her senses, she found it was already 6 hours past! The situation would have been worse but her sweet boyfriend managed to save things. He went off to sleep himself so that no one else could wish him. Therefore, the second spot :*

I love you a lot. You are my hero. Happy Birthday sweetheart <3 I am counting days till I can set my eyes on you and once that, I am not looking anywhere else. Next week, by this time I shall be by your side. *big grin*

2012

Vienna, Paris and Belgium. Here I come! See you at the 19th Willem C. Vis. Moot Court Competition. Yayyy! bring it on babayyyy :D

08-12-2011

On the one hand, I do not want the days to pass because there is lots to do. A lot of unfinished work. Reading. And more reading. Before the 8th of December. On the other hand, right after that, my wait of 6 months comes to an end. The fact that it's just 18 days away is hard to believe. After all 180 days of separation is finally going to get over. Even if it is just for a few days.

So the date is set. When these tired eyes shall smile.

Nonsensical

It’s 10:43am IST and I don’t know what to do. Therefore, I am testing my (?) skills here. I am perpetually annoyed and irritated. I should be studying and not making notes to myself but if only I did what was meant. I am sleepy and tired and whiny and I must admit the sadness of me having to crib about it here. I hope my future posts are more informative/intellectually inviting/interesting/funny, certainly not this morbid.

I shall take leave.

Laugh-Tear

I always grew up hearing laughter hides our silent cries. How true! A laugh and a tear have a close relationship. Sometimes you laugh to hide your tears and sometimes you laugh so wholeheartedly that you cry. If people would actually take the time out to notice, they'd see how behind every laugh there are fears. Of things varied. Of stuff they dread. I am  a person who laughs a lot. So today I will talk about purely me. I will speak for myself and about myself. I joke at every small instance, who'll make fun of every situation. Everyone around wonders about my so-it-seems sorted life. Perfect that it seems to the world. No life is perfect. Neither is mine. I have my apprehensions. A lot of fears. I am not a person who shares a lot. I have never been. 

May Luck be Yours

And tomorrow is your big day. The time has come. The one that you were waiting for all the while. And I know you can. I believe. I trust.

All the Best. Best of Luck. Good Luck. My prayers will be with you :*

Recollections

It's been a while since I last posted. A lot has been up. I am home. I am enjoying my solitude. Days of idleness. Of absolute nothing to-do. This otherwise routined life of mine saw a sudden intervention with the arrival of my cousin. And thus happened a trip to Shillong. Family time. Old memories recalled and newer ones made. All in all, it was a lot of fun.

Shillong, the capital of Meghalaya, has been the capital of undivided Assam. For my mum and aunt, thus, it has always had a special place in their hearts with a lot of fond childhood memories attached. Shillong has been to them what Dibrugarh has been to me. Their vacation destination during the summer breaks. We've always grown up hearing their tales whenever we stayed at the now "Assam House" near Stoney Land, Shillong. This house had been the home to my great grandmother during her tenure as a Cabinet Minister and so, each room had its own story to tell. This trip was no different.

I've regularly visited Shillong for the past twenty years and now if I look back, there has been a drastic change. Today, the city is an absolute mess. Nightmarish traffic and dusty broken roads. The greenery has been destroyed. It is a concrete jungle with few pockets of green left. It is growing without planning, resulting in a state of cacophony. It's high time efforts are made to save Shillong or else we will end up losing our 'Scotland of the East'!

In the background

The Blog background is my true fort-forte-weakness-weak knees!

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.

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My School <3

Ask me if I Care

"Worry about your character and not your reputation, because your character is who you are, and your reputation is only what people think of you."

True. Read and Loved.

Fate-al

I wish
I could share with you
Things I couldn't tell anybody

I wish
It would have been
All that easy

I wish
I could cry
With you by my side
Just like I laugh, I smile.

At times, sometimes
I wonder if you'd ever know the other me
If you would, would you love me all the same?

Bottled feelings ain't that simple
Caught between two worlds, I wish
They would entwine - Yours and Mine.

Written for Poetry Picnic Week 9 : Longing, Loss, Loosing Failure and Thursday Poets Rally Week 54

Get vs. Give

Get will Give you a pillow

Give will Get you a good sleep

The thing called Legacy

We all leave behind our legacies. Someday that's what people are going to remember us by. So the crucial thing is- Is that legacy of ours happening by accident or by design? Something we can ponder about maybe. How much does it really take to ensure that our legacy is made not by chance. But by choice. Our own. After all, Bad is the enemy of Good. Good is the enemy of Great. Great is the enemy of Impossible. 

Direction not intention decides destiny. It is therefore important for us to shape our thinking. In making our legacies, let us surpass our own expectations. For we can never lose what we did not have in the first place. It is not trespass when we cross our own boundaries.  When we know our destination, even if we fail once, we have the option to succeed for we can always change our approach. All of us have the permission to screw it up but never give up. That's the beauty of that thing called legacy.

Design for Change

I certainly did not want to be reminded to write a blog post. So when I was, I realized about  my long absence. Plenty of reasons. None good enough to be cited as an excuse. Okay. Well so from the last time that I made my presence felt, a lot has been up. Yes, first the moot, then the studying for exams, then the exams itself, one crazy night at the flat, 5'o clock morning breakfast at Vohuman's, the Delhi MAD Conference and finally home. The place where the fast paced life comes to a full stop. Actually if I had to define my life at the moment, solitary bliss would just be apt. To confess, I am facing what-you-call a Writer's Block after a really long time. Thoughts are many and varied. To pen it down is taking a lot of effort. To channelize the thought process. To make sense. Create a link.

First things first, my little ones at the Center I teach, finished their Design for Change contest. Here are the colourful dustbins they made.

My kids with their attractive dustbins...(and smiles too!)

How it all began. The kids and I had long discussions on the one change that they wished to bring about. After a lot of contemplation, they decided to address the one common concern they all had – about their surroundings. It was the one problem that immediately affected them and all those around, everyday. They felt that they could really do something about it and hence the idea was born to clean the surroundings and spread the message to everyone around by setting an example. Also to aid in carrying out and ensure that the other kids follow them, the kids decided to make attractive dustbins out of the used cartons and place them in all the classrooms. 

On the 18th of September 2011, the day set for the implementation, their eager eyes looked for me as I entered the center. As soon as I entered, they got to work. I was surprised as I have never seen my class this punctual and excited at the same time. They really meant business. Paucity of resources was no hindrance. They shared and cared. Something we preach yet seldom practice. So, one scissor and just a box of crayons did not stop them from producing some of the most colourful neatly done dustbins which they placed in every class. But yes! not to forget, all this after they went around their campus putting inside the dustbin whatever litter they could find around. 

The other kids looked towards them and my little heroes, their chests held high, explained with confidence what they were doing. With hope in their hearts that their small act of spreading consciousness amongst the little inhabitants of the Home goes a long way towards cleaner surroundings!

Bliss!

And now it is that time of the year when I can start packing my bags. Yayyyyy! :D

A small stop over in Delhi. That's how close I am to being home. ;)

All Good Things Do Not Come To An End

Back from the moot. From NALSAR, Hyderabad. The 5th Bodh Raj Sawhny National Moot Court Competition. We finished off as semi-finalists and I got the second-best speaker while Chithra got the best oralist. Thus, it was not a waste of time as I would have otherwise considered it to be, right before exams. I am skipping a paper this Semester and now I do not regret it. I am in a way happy. The competition was the much required confidence booster one needs time and again. Learning to believe in yourself is a continuous process. The good year that had begun, thus, continues *touchwood*

PS. No form of thank you to the man behind all this would ever be sufficient. I love you. 

Off~

The time has come. Off to Hyderabad. There's been a lot to update on. Alas! the fury of time. Exams as soon as I get back. And then the much awaited trip home. The only thing I am genuinely looking forward to at the moment.

See you!

Enter PassCode

Phew~

I finally felt the kick. It is 5.19 am and now I am off to sleep. Goodnight!

Reality Check

The exam time-table is out. Twenty more days. 

Moot round the corner. Just Eleven more days.

Memo submission. Seven days away.

And when I am not ready for any of the above, what should I be doing? Freaking out, right?

I wish I was. It would help me be a wee bit productive I'd like to believe.

Because what is Ms. Hazarika doing?

She still sleeps twelve hours. Manages to doze off on the terrace, reading when the sun rays hit her face. Looks up to sky in the evening and gets mesmerized by the moon's beauty. Lost. Her thoughts drift to infinity. Insane. Her lips curl into a smile. Suddenly the dream ends. She is back to reality. As long as she is away, she is happy. Mr. Evidence, Ms. Environment, Ms. International Law, Mr. Arbitration. Confronted, her face droops. Alas! the beauty of dreams.

The Story Continues.

*sigh*

"The clouds have found their new home." "Our home?", she asked. Little did he realise that her happiness was now intricately linked to his. If he was not happy, how would she be!

My Head Hurts. I Need Sleep.

Password Protected

...

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten
Ten Nine Eight Seven Six Five Four Three Two One

Aita

Happy Birthday Aita <3 I'd love to see all your wishes come true. I'll do as much as I can :)
I love you. You are the "coolest" grandmom. Mamma should learn ;)

=P

PS. When words fall short, emoticons come to the rescue! Hence. :P

Halt

Till I stun the stud, all shall wait. Swing into action Ms. Hazarika.

You've Got Mail

The idea of pen-pals passing each other on the street and falling in love all over again is very tempting. Very often I have wished I had a pen-pal. But I unfortunately belonged to a generation where online chat and emails were the trend. I send and receive a lot of emails but that sense of personal touch of letters is something altogether different. No wonder my fascination with handwritten letters. It means the person has worked up his thoughts to reach you, without that darn backspace key which makes things a lot easier I know. After all, there is something about holding a paper in your hand that has traveled from a loved one to you.

So should my papers, yellow'd with their age. And that letters can be put in a box and preserved, to tell a story adds to the charm. Letter No. 1 has just gone in :*

21st August 2011

Not the kind of day I'd wish for. The end just made it worse.

Been trying to sleep for the past half hour, life sucks!

PS. My stomach's burning AGAIN! :(

CONGRATULATIONS

Today I am your proud girlfriend! I am extremely happy. I always knew you would do it. You have :*

Catch 22

Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.

Not SO Easy. Not THAT Hard. Either way. A perfect example of a Catch 22 situation!

Bombay

After a #whataday day yesterday, off to Bombay today. The City of a Million Dreams. Mine too. How I've always wished to have an apartment in the NCPA Apartments, Nariman Point. Someday, hopefully.

Whatever

"Mission KalaKutta" fin(e)d. Though the consequences could have been great, it was a spur of the moment thing. Four Friends. One Blackberry. Two Cops in Civilian Clothes. One Target. One hell of an adventure. Which will be recalled so many times later. These are memories you make with friends. I will always remember.

PS. I've never felt cool-er :P

A Cause I Believe In

Point to Note

A. Confiding

B. Too much

C. In too many people

D. Too easily

is a dangerous combination. Raya Hazarika, since you are a pro at this, you'd better learn. SOON.

You "EARN" trust. A reason why the word was consciously used.

You're on my Mind

• When I open my eyes in the morning and look at the bright day smiling at me
• When I suddenly hear a romantic song being played somewhere
• When my thoughts take me to my past and I remember all the pain I'd been through
• When I do something substantial and feel content with myself
• When I am confused as to which way I should be going
• When I pass by the places where we have been to together
• When nothing in my life seems to be going right
• When everything in my life goes perfectly well as planned
• Most times, even when I am surrounded with a lot of people

...I think of you! You are the first thing on my mind when I get up and the last thing when I go to bed.

P.S: I love thinking about you since it keeps me close to you! The fact that I am posting this NOW (refer to your "subtle" message) means I am missing you. Still. #whattodo :|

Crazy little thing called Love

When you love, you do not compromise. 

You happily change.

RATSHEDMABUG

Tomorrow is Friendship day. The First Sunday in the month of August. All along while in school, the Monday next, would see colourful bands. Different shapes and designs. Different types and sizes. The reason why many of us wore our full sleeve shirts to school, even in the sweltering August heat. Bands weren't allowed and all of us wanted to show off those immaculately done ones in a wide array of colors. No matter how many you would carry, the numbers would always fall less. Inevitably more had to be bought from Uncle's Shop right outside our gate. It was funny how this shop which was maybe just one square feet in size had all our essentials- everything ranging from "fancy" stationery to "yummy" snacks to "minimalist" jewellery. Name it and you would invariably find it there.

All of a sudden, today, a deep sense of nostalgia rushed through my heart. Remembering old times. Of happy times. Of times together. RAT-SHED-MA-BUG. I miss you <3

Wait

I always considered 1 and 5 to be my numbers. The only two numbers I would bet my life on. 5 proved itself to me this Sunday. When will it be time for the Number One? Yes, Sir, I am waiting for you. See you soon :)

It matters

I looked at her right in the eye. I proved my point. I proved myself. I broke a jinx. Come what may, tomorrow. I am a happy person today. That's all that matters!

If You Can, Please

MAD looking to expand in the following cities - Lucknow, Bhopal, Ahmedabad, Jaipur, Baroda. Know anyone who can drive the initiative in these cities? Ask them to register their interest on - http://makeadiff.in/exp

6.Expansion - HQ

sites.google.com

Detailed tutorials on every activity you are expected to do in MAD

:|

When all my friends are partying at Hard Rock, I am reading up on the Law of Contracts! Double Drat.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Like every other person, I have my good side and my bad side. It's always easier to be the former. Takes less effort. Comes naturally. For I do not want to be judged.

If you've seen only the pleasant carefree side to me, you know a part of me. You're just another in my world.

I can be a very difficult person at times. If you've seen this "other" side to me, it means that you know the complete me. You're not just any other. I am comfortable being myself with you. Sharing all that I have. Not that I take you for granted, but I'd want to. To believe that you'll always be there for me. Come what may. No matter what. I will still as much be scared of losing you.

Que

Que especial "usted" he estado hablando es de nadie sino usted, Shobhit, mi amor, mi vida. Sí, eres el que ha estado en mi mente todo el tiempo! En un foro público este, lo confieso, Te amo con todo mi corazón.

Través tus de palabras y acciones, ustedo me haces sentir como la más bella señorita. Usted me da mucho más de yo se merece. Usted me echar a perder con el "mejor".

He aquí una respuesta a su dedicación dulce. Me refiero a cada palabra que digo!

Yo soy sólo una chica de al lado, pero me siento especial cuando me miro a mí a través de tus ojos
He estado por ahí, sólo que yo no tenga la suerte de que encontrar de usted
Incluso he estado buscando a en todas partes
Y estoy muy contento de que por fin he encontrado
Ahora, usted define mi vida
I se nunca mirar hacia otro lado
Yo siempre estaré a tu lado
Siempre y para siempre

:) :*

Ingenuity?

After Google "Plus", now it is Yahoo "Pulse". Playing with the alphabets, people? Some more originality would have been appreciated in this Social-Networking craze!

Pleasure-Pain theory

Just as I rejoiced the accomplishment of one task. The next one is staring down at me. Grinning. 

"YOU"

Very soon, I shall introduce you to this person called "you" who wriggles his way through to all my posts in recent times. Very obvious it is for anyone who knows me even a wee bit to guess the "you" but looks like that person himself doubts. So it shall be. An embarassing post on you soon! *piercing eyes* :P

Focus

Raghavendra Phadnis Moot Court Competition 2011 tomorrow. Another year. Another time. When the plans for this academic session shall be carved. Important one, thus. I may begin work NOW.

"In love", Again!

It has been raining here in Pune. Non-stop. To the extent that I was beginning to hate what I would have otherwise enjoyed and loved. Courtesy, my dirty feet. And my broken umbrella. It ain't a nice feeling to be completely drenched, water dripping from your forehead. Your washed hair untidy and out of place. To it all, add a cold too! I was sick and tired of the rain. Almost, more like. Just then, I decided to venture out. Rewind. Day before. A lonely long walk in the rain by myself. My net's not been working for the past couple of days, which kind of also explains the lull in my blogging phase. So a trip to the Tata Photon office was the need of the hour. Not very successful - my net's still down, I was returning when I had this strong craving for some ice-cream. And so it was. 

A walk in the rain with an ice-cream in hand, ears plugged, oblivious of all around. I felt the raindrops hitting my face.  I was the only one in my world. When I thought of anyone I would have wanted with me right then, 'twas "only" you who crossed my mind :) A pretty season this. In love, all over again!

Rant

I don't get angry often. I am one of those patient kinds. I can keep things to myself. Keep within. Bear it all alone. I always try to reason it out. See the other side to the story. If you have a problem, come and confront. I'd appreciate. Keep it to yourself. I wouldn't really know what to do. Not that I don't care. Bad mouth me. I'll ignore. But there is always a saturation point. I have mine too. Once I reach that point, I'd like to be indifferent.  I try it all the time. More often than not I fail. I did again today. That's one thing on my list I'd like to master. Either maintain relations or do not at all. There is nothing "in-between". For me, that was an alien concept. I hope I  understand.

Serene was my la-la-land where Calculations only existed in the world of Mathematics. Not when it came to human relationships and bonds. Looks like the real world is hitting me like a ton of bricks at the moment!

I Heart You

Harry. You have been there right from the start and I will love you till the end of time. There is no end. Nothing is over. I only love you more. And more.

I say this with pride...

"This is the Remand Home where I teach." 

I just came across this article in the Newspaper today. And it makes me happy in ways more than one. :)

There has been the mention of this organisation I have been associated with for the past three years. Where we all go out to teach. To encourage. To motivate. To guide. To make a difference. And when you see your efforts pay off, there can be no greater joy.

You have to read it to understand my sentiments.

From You to Me

Really? Read it to believe it :)

about an hour ago

Pratyasha Rana Patgiri

• Reminds me of u
  A lady lawyer decided to give herself a big treat for her birthday by staying overnight in one of London's most expensive hotels.
  
  When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.
  
  She explode and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."
  
  The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate' so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.
  
  The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: "the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."
  'But I didn't use them," she said.
  ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
  
  He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.
  
  "But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
  "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
  
  No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"
  
  The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to the Manager.
  
  The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this cheque is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
  
  "But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
  
  "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."=)).... U won't win against a lawyer. And u definitely won't win against a woman! =))

Time Management

I am leading an action packed life at the moment. From college to classes to chilling at the new flat to some "self-time" at the hostel, the day passes in the blink of an eye. At the end of it, I am left wondering how the day went by. There have been many items in my list of "to-do's" which have been put off for later. Day after day. It is both overwhelming and frustrating. The trip to visit P in Bombay did not happen again. Doesn't look like my plan of going to the gym is working out either. M has left Poona for good and I could not see her before she left. I haven't spoken to my cousins and friends for a while now. High time, really. And the greatest of my concerns, I am having to do with 6 hours of sleep. Only. :P

So Basically. The schedule I had chalked out for myself has gone haywire. I think I can do with some tips on time-management!

Experience Is

... the name we give to our mistakes!

The Perfect Moment

I looked at the rain and thought of you

I sneaked away from the world and dreamt about you

I wondered if you thought about me

Remembered me, wished for my presence

Hoped to have me the way I want you

Just then you called

To say you missed me too ♥

...And So You're My Google :)

I do not know what I would have done in my life without Google. Every time I've needed it, it has always been there. With answers to ALL my questions. How much I love it!

What You Mean To Me

Until I met you,
I never had feelings so true;
You were like a light in the dark
And in my heart, you've already left a mark!
Whenever I am angry or I am sad,
You make me laugh by doing something mad.

You listen to me,
You let me be,
The way I am...
To what others say I really don't give a damn
You are all that matters
After all you're the one who stood by me when my world was in tatters...

What you mean to me
Is more than just what the world can see...
When you're not there
My life seems so bare
With none to share
The stuff that I really care...

No one to lend a patient ear
And shoo away all my fear;
Somehow you make me feel better
In a way nobody else can ever :)

-Raya
03/04/2009, Friday, 2222hrs

Especially for You

[I just came across this one from long back. So much has changed in a little more than two years. But I'm glad our friendship remains unaffected :) ]

Whenever I needed you,

I found you there so true;

You listened to every word of mine

And always said that I'd be fine.

The word of assurance that you gave 

Made me feel like a fairy's wand wave!

Our friendship is so new,

Just like the morning dew...

The freshness that it brings

Makes my heart sing

That alas! I found a friend so true

Whom I promise I will never sue! ;)

Just know that I'll always be there to take care of you

With a heart full of love and feelings so true...

-Raya

23/03/2009, Thursday, 2258 hrs

MAD in the news

Lessons at the Coke Factory - Indian Express

Birds

I sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I shit on?”

Misses!

The smell of a person is their sweetest memory. Today I was walking on the street. I was reminded of you. :)

An Exercise

I am in a pretty fucked up mood. Pretty restless. My mind is racing. It's been like this for a while now. I do not really know what the problem is. Really. So right now I am doing a task. One to vent out all that I have to. So my laptop screen is covered. Yet I am typing in all that I want. There is no check. I am not re-reading my thoughts. I do not have to hide. I cannot, rather. Whatever is in is out. I feel lighter. I am not making much sense, but this marks a phase as well. I shall remember. Later.

I am me. This is my world. I enjoy being at peace. I shall do all that I want. I love to pamper myself. I will. I deserve. Or so I'd like to believe. I do not like my bubble being burst. I like people minding their own business. Sometimes I do not say anything. That does not mean I have nothing to say. I do not like answering questions. If you're worthy to know about it, I shall tell you on my own. You wouldn't have to ask. I like being left alone. And right now, I'd genuinely appreciate that!

PS. As an afterthought, this ain't that easy.

I Care Not

I think I like the "Self" in Selfish. Period.

Relationships

In life, we come alone. We leave alone. And at times, we wish we could live alone. Life is but a mosaic of different relationships and different people. To live, we need some relation or the other. A relationship, named or unnamed. Each relationship and person adds a unique color to life and gives it a new meaning and dimension. 

To make life complex, there are these ugly-beautiful relationships which one cannot end but cannot continue with either. Sometimes these imperfect relationships and conflicts, complexities and unpredictability of people, make life beautiful. 

...pages of life!

I absolutely love the smell of fresh pages of a new book :)

Reminder

I leave for Pune tomorrow. College. Another Semester. Another Year.  Packing almost done. I am scared I'll be grossly overweight this time. I am talking about my luggage here though. I have put on a lot of weight too. From chubby to chubbier. Yet I am still to fall in that "overweight" category. Or so I'd like to believe. No matter what some people say. In the past two days, I have met two classmates/seniors from high school, who from being twice my size have turned half. Since then, I have been in misery. Pain. Anguish. Depressed. In distress. After I reach Pune, this post shall be a glaring reminder for me. To eat. The right kind of food. In the right quantity. Hopefully, the next time I am home, I shall be in proper shape. I promise not to binge eat. To myself.

This is where I come from :)

Between the southern bank of the Brahmaputra river and the foothills of the Shillong plateau - Guwahati

A way out

The best way to make peace is to talk it out. With yourself.

Up in the air

My love for long flights. After the last one, this time it is Guwahati-Calcutta-Chennai-Pune :p

Lost!

I came back from a vacation to find my laptop formatted. Hence all data lost. The photographs, the documents, the notes saved and collected over time gone. If that wasn't enough, yesterday I formatted my phone and lost all contacts. The pictures. Very disappointed I am. Makes me hate technology, where a single click can delete everything. What power bestowed! If the human mind was half as strong. But then again, at times like these, it is the memory that comes to the rescue. Paradox.

And then again

I have been craving to blog. Been away too long! Though I really want to post now, I have to go out for a birthday party. Remember the birthday parties we used to go to while we were in school? As kids? The balloons and the caps? Those awesome games? Dark room and blindfolds? I just did.

That might have changed over the years but when you're out with school friends, the excitement is still the same. There is always so much. :)

In search for an answer

One question that occurs to me. Now and then. One that I love to brush aside. It struck me again a few days back.

Having seen where our moves land us, if life had a rewind button, would I do certain things differently?

Do you have an answer? 'Coz I have none.

To a T-Hail-Land

Just back from a holiday with friends. It was fantastic to say the least. Oodles of fun. Like the title goes, it was to the T - just perfect. Hailed to the land of smiles, we were not disappointed in any way. For starters, I'll leave you with this pic of us :D

Actually, the only one I had of the five of us :p

And, the one who clicked the pic. The one who was always there. Thank you for showing us around Bangkok the way you did. It wouldn't have been the same without you :)

Our Story

Like the whispering winds sway the trees

The breeze gently sweeps across my face

I see you smiling, standing

I think I have found at last

What I was looking for

Till old thoughts come flooding back

Of how I had broken into pieces

But you turn it all around

You, a stranger come to pass

The dark sky brightens 

Turns a brilliant blue

And this is nothing like I felt before 

There is a calm within, different

A feeling this love will forever last

And this moment will forever be

This is just how our story begins

Life awaits :)

Hangover 3 ?

Six months ago, five friends decided to go on a vacation. Sitting at the college grounds the idea was born. Contemplated. Calculated. Decided. To Bangkok it would be.

Six months later, the day arrives. Tomorrow, the journey begins. More on it when I am back.

Till then,
Miss Me 

Crayon : paint my life!

On certain days, you feel like writing. Little. More. Most. Of everything. Without trying to be so discrete. It does not matter who reads it and who does not. Who will judge you and who will not. This post has been pending for a long time now. But for certain reasons I kept postponing it for later. Maybe because the person is an important one in context. Hoping someday I would gather enough "indifference" to help me go ahead with it. I guess that time has come. 

Here's a person who is one of his kind. Who entered my life like a whiff of fresh air. Who changed me from who I was to who I am. Who taught me that I could share what was mine with others too. And it ain't that difficult, after all. Maybe because that "other" was you. So this someone I met, is probably the most straightforward and frank person, in a long long while. Our meeting maybe wasn't sheer coincidence. I'd like to believe it was destined. We clicked instantly. He said one thing, I said another, and another, and another.  The next thing I knew, I absolutely loved the company of this person. He brought forth my tacit thoughts so clear. Our conversations almost always ran into hours. Little by little, I got to know you. I soon realised that you were not the one you portrayed to be. Not the person I believed you to be. You were nicer. The hard from outside, soft from inside kinds. Like a coconut.

You make me happy in a very different way. It is a nice feeling when I wake up every morning and I know that there is someone somewhere with whom I can be me. From my crankiest best to my happiest high. It's funny how I wait for the clock to strike 5.30, then 1, and then 11. Even when I have so many people around me and my days are abuzz with activity, it is surprising how my day is dependent on someone miles away!

PS. This post was scheduled for later. Just to tell you I will miss you a lot in these 8 days. June is not far. See you soon!

Stylish, really?

Going through my Google Reader, I was surprised and happy to be bestowed the 'Stylish Blog Award' by the wonderful Casey of True Colours, one of my favourite blogs! Thanks so much. It feels awesome :D

The rules are simple. To thank and link back to the person who gave you the award. Reveal seven things about yourself. And bestow the award on ten great bloggers you have recently discovered and have come to love.

So here it goes. All about me.

1. I am the biggest foodie ever. It is one thing that makes me happy. Wherever, whenever. I feel hungry. All the time.

Courtesy: http://www.buzzintown.com/ahmedabad/event--special-food-passa-restaurant/ref--event-mostclicked/id--232113.html

2. I am the clumsiest person you would have ever met. I trip over stairs, carpets and yes, sometimes even over myself.

Courtesy : http://mcclurecrew.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-embarrassing-moment.html

3. I love fairy tales, happy endings and bright colors. I want my life to be as colourful as this.

Courtesy : http://cazilu.deviantart.com/art/some-more-colours-wallpaper-135311517

4. I have been hurt in love but I still want it more and more. I love being in love.

Courtesy : http://sexyoutsidesmartinside.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/in-love/

5. I am just too animated in my conversations. With lots and lots of hand gestures, Weird facial expressions and moving eyebrows. Lol!

6. Thailand calling. In three days, with my girlfriends. I am looking forward to all the travelling and shopping. Yayyy!

Courtesy : http://www.bestbangkokdeals.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Bangkok-Main-Page-2.jpg

7. I'm quite the narcissist and it was effing tough to reduce myself to 7!

And now I'm supposed to list the top ten "stylish" blogs I follow. In alphabetical order -

1. Amaranthine

2. Immersion Blog-apy
3. Kelley Maria
4. Life is sweet. Love is real.
5. MINDLOVEMISERY
6. The Blog of Small Things
7. The Make a Difference Blog
8. Two Matthews(ers)
9. Viscous Thoughts
10. What Happens Is

And my heart never fails

‎"It's impossible." said pride. 

"It's risky." said experience. 

"It's pointless." said reason. 

"Give it a try." whispered the heart.

Conversation Excerpts

It's funny how sometimes thinking of something 4 years hence gives so much joy and laughter. Such meticulous planning in detail. I am astounded. But maybe because the person is you, I cannot but grin. It sounds like a dream in this jumble of life. No matter what I say, I want to be a part of it too. That is the naked truth! ;)

Some decisions

A lot of decisions are made. Some, sometimes in a lot of haste. I like going with the flow. I, for one, have not been the kinds who always chalk out a plan of action. Carefully strategize. Life has a lot to offer. I enjoy whatever it does. Many a times your actions have more of an effect on others than it has on you. It won't exactly be correct to call myself a non-thinking person. For I do think. But later. After the moment has passed. After the consequences borne. I think back. Reflect on where I might have gone wrong or what I could have done differently to avoid certain things. Whether I am successful or not in doing so, I take in everything as if it was just meant to happen. For a reason. I love appearing tougher than I really am. And sometimes it's just not easy. 

Bygones

Sometimes it's nicer to let bygones be bygones. Maybe I'll never forgive but I CAN always forget!

Note to Self - It is better to do what I can do, than to crib about something I cannot. Period.

Flights of Fantasy

I’ve met a lot of creative imaginative people. Not being one myself, they have never failed to impress me. Their different take on things. Their off-beaten tracks. Their unrestrained fancies. Amaze me. It is funny how fantasies defy logic. How they bewilder many. Yet the beliefs they continue to stir. Is strange. It makes a sad mind happy. Gives support to a lonely person. It helps avoid the unavoidable. Turn things inside out. Reach that space and time where you “want” to be. Strange to admit but it brings in a different kind of positivity. That much needed break. A respite from the ordinary.

Such be the case, who wouldn’t want those occasional flights of fantasy? I wonder.

This Moment

Raya Hazarika totally loves the "snooping" around! Another Sherlock Holmes on the prowl :)

In love with the Green

Of late, I have faced a stumbling block every time I sat down to write. Maybe it was time to infuse some freshness in my blog. I thought to myself. I am a person who loves change at regular intervals. Of a very mercurial nature.

The colour, Green, signifies a positive change, good health, growth, fertility, healing, hope, vigour, vitality, peace, and serenity. Exactly what describes my life at the moment. *Touchwood* I therefore, decided to apply this “refreshing” new blog template!

Reminds me of Us

Attracts attention

Creates excitement

This gigantic, colourful

Hot air balloons

Open flames ignited 

Surrenders its control

For the light winds to carry it

Over surrounding populace

A calm flight

Towards infinity thus, floats

A sly reminder of us?

[Written for Short Story Slam #1  and Sunday Scribblings #267]

A Lazy Summer

I haven’t posted in my blog for long. A bit too long in fact. Am I facing a writer’s block? Yes, I am. If that wasn’t enough, Blogger was down for the last two days. This post was thus long due.

So Basically. A lazy summer it has been so far. With all the ingredients that go into making it just “perfect”. Right from waking up late to doing absolutely nothing the whole day and enjoying the company of friends afar, it’s kind of “living the dream” that I wished to wake up to during my exams. In addition, the feeling of being home with mum and dad counts for brownie points. While the soaring temperatures keep me indoors during the day, once the sun sets, I am out with friends watching a movie or sitting at some joint sipping a cup of coffee. This shall continue for another two weeks when shall happen the planned trip to Bangkok with friends.

And. Am I enjoying? You may take a wild guess

Silver Jubilee

It’s been a glorious 25 years. I love you mum and dad. Happy Wedding Anniversary.

Absolute-ly

I make it a point to write one post each day. Or atleast I “try” to. But somehow that never happens. Sometimes I am at a loss of words. Putting down feelings on paper is still as difficult a task to me as it was a year back . Sometimes I am just a wee bit lazy. Or at other times I have absolutely nothing to write about. Completely blank. Not unusual for me. And in fact, I am surprised myself just as much as I surprise others of how I seem to enjoy that state of mind. To me. That feeling of emptiness equals calmness. Of being at peace. This is exactly the picture I portray right now at home. There were a number of things planned for these vacations but how many of them are actually being acted upon is a puzzle I am yet to solve. In between such “not-so-action-packed” days, there are certain days which stand out. Just for being different from the rest. Today was one such day. P and I met up. Going through a “turmoil” in her life, she was at her craziest best. But am I glad that I did have a solution to her problems. Later, A joined us too and thus Part 1 had a happy ending. Like I believe, happiness begets happiness. When all looked happy and set, Part 2 began. Coincidentally, we bumped into E.  It just had to happen. After all. How could our meetings be complete without any one of us!

P, E and I had an awesome time YET again. Eight hours of “absolute” us. #epicday

What’s your Blogging Personality?

Your Blogging Type is Confident and Insightful: You've got a ton of brain power, and you leverage it into brilliant blog. Both creative and logical, you come up with amazing ideas and insights. A total perfectionist, you find yourself revising and rewriting posts a lot of the time. You blog for yourself - and you don't care how popular (or unpopular) your blog is!

Courtesy: http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourbloggingpersonalityquiz/

Chest of Treasures

I am home. Pretty useless and idle for the better part of the day. So today I decided to open this small drawer, my “Chest of Treasures”. I have contemplated doing this for long. Finally it was time. My chest of treasures is filled with a lot of stuff from different phases of life. Every time my life was changing paths. In a certain way or the other. From small chits of paper with scribbled messages and caricatures to a leaf dried and yellow, from colourful friendship bands to shirts filled with multi-coloured ink in illegible hand, the little drawer contains it all. Every time I would find it difficult to throw away a thing, that thing would be tossed into this little space of mine. While my mum would still be clamouring about it, the object of such hullabaloo would disappear from sight. To her amazement. And my contentment.

Years have passed and I thought I’d clear up the “mess” today. After all it has been a long time. My mum, too, no longer complains. That weird satisfaction therefore, has been long gone. Little did I know when I first decided that this was soon going to turn into another walk down the memory lane. Meaningless did those things seem to me then. Meaningless maybe they are still today. To another. But no longer to me. On an otherwise sombre day, they bring a smile to my face and give me a reason to cheer as I think of the times gone by. A reminiscence of the yesteryears. Everything is just a memory but memories I will hold in my heart forever.

There are certain things you just cannot let go. Not sooner. Not later. #anotherrealisation

Tech-savvy

I just downloaded the Windows Live Writer 2011 version. Amazing features it has and I am loving the feeling of being so tech-savvy, especially when I am blogging after so long! 

SHE

Her life written of in a page

She was bent with the burden of age

Her movements were nothing but jittery

To the outside world so glittery

A fragile and thin body it seemed

Yet her face with a smile beamed

Reflected a poise, an amazing grace

An odd calmness in her embrace

To my wounds, she put balm

I wish and pray- May her dreams a living joy become

[Written for Three Word Wednesday; 3ww: grace, jitter, thin]

IF

Only if my eye was a camera lens I would have captured so many moments with just a blink! #whatifeel Right now.

Sabre Rattlings

I'll leave it to your imagination. To complete the story. To tell a tale.






...
Does it strike a chord?

Do you think so?

In life, there is no Black and White. Only shades of Grey. Really? I wonder.

Two little Ducks

I sit down here to write my birthday post. My twenty-second birthday. A lot of people my age do not like to say it aloud. The number. The two little ducks. I do not either. I have always been the one excited about growing older. Till today. I remember how I wanted to turn 16, then 18 and then the big 21. There has always been the excitement of growing up. To show off your age. At such times I always wondered why some of my older cousins would not be excited as much about their birthdays as me. That feeling is now sinking in. It’s glorious till your 21st birthday. NOT thereafter. Twenties come with a lot of crucial times- in all respects. A whole array of hard decisions which decide the course of your life. 

Reading old posts is always fun. I thought of going through the post I had written a year back when I just turned twenty one. And. I realised how some things have changed since then. 

If I have to draw a comparison, this birthday I was NOT sleeping at twelve. I was on the phone with a person NOT least expected. I would NOT exactly term the day as “adventurous”. And. Before the clock struck midnight and the next day began, I was again talking to the same person! A few things that have changed maybe in my transition from the twenty-one to the twenty-two. Otherwise. It was pretty much the same. Lunch with friends and dinner with family #whatilove ! An ideal day it was. With the perfect start and an even perfect-er ending. :D

PS. Thank you for that lovely post. The pictures and the mail. Inspite of your tight schedule. Meant way too much!

Cheers to Life

[Sharing another beautiful text I received..]

I’ve seen castles made out of sand,
Met people who believe destiny is engraved,
on the palm of their hands.
I’ve seen people change their faith,
Experienced love change into hate.
I’ve seen people grow younger with age,
And a bird who wouldn’t fly out of an open cage.
I’ve seen love sold for money,
People who are devastated inside,
But outside they’re funny.
I’ve seen the unicorn fall in love with the toad,
People who owned half the city, have now hit the road.
I’ve learned to expect the unexpected,
Perfection doesn’t exist, we’re all defected.
Everyone cries, some just hide their tears,
They say coal turns diamond over a thousand years.
Someone may believe you’re one in a million,
For others, you are just another anybody in the billion.
So live life with all that you have
Cherish all your moments happy or sad,
Feel blessed with what you are
Because life is too short
And we are just here for a moment.

My One Year Old Baby

And I did not realize it, but my blog just turned One on the 21st of April :-)

What a journey it has been. So much has changed since then. Touchwood. All for the better. I am happy. You have been lucky for me, dear blog!

WhatsApp

My blog of late would seem incomplete without a post dedicated to this wonderful application, my lifeline, my addiction, the witness to my many “important” conversations, WhatsApp. For starters, WhatsApp is a cross-platform messaging service. This ain’t a technology blog and I ain’t a tech-expert. So for those interested you can check out http://www.whatsapp.com. In case you decide to download it, please add me. I am always looking forward to increasing my favourites list.

Moving on. So Basically. This post is more about WhatsApp and I.

I started my journey with WhatsApp sometime in December 2010. I do not exactly remember how and when I first heard about it and what exactly got to me to download it. Infact then, I did not have many contacts on my Favourites list either. Nonetheless I am glad that I did. After all. Little did I know about it then. It was soon to pave the way to a new and interesting phase in my life. Since then, March 2011, WhatsApp has become more of a way of life for me. A staple diet. Something I cannot imagine my day without. It has helped me get in touch with old friends and brought me closer to the newer ones. And now. From this moment on. It shall also remain the only hope. In my quest to ensure that out of sight does not really mean out of mind! ;)

In Truth and Otherwise ;)

In Truth. The world has seen. In Truth. I have gotten used to your company yet you never fail to surprise me. (Not that I am complaining!) In Truth. I love having you by my side. In Truth. #thesecretisout

Since 1995.

H and I have been friends for the past Sixteen years. One of my oldest and closest friends. My only friend who’s been with me through my Ten years of schooling in Holy Child, the One year at Maria’s and the final Two in APS. A lot has changed between us over the years. We’ve had our share of fights, months of not talking to each other, staying out of touch et al. But we’ve lived through each phase. Misunderstandings have cropped. People have rejoiced and laughed. But each time, our ties emerged stronger and sometimes, all it took was a sorry to make it up. Even today, the level of comfort we share with each other is rather surprising. Not a change. Despite the not-so-smooth journey that we’ve had through the years, we can still share all that we want. We may not talk often. But we know that whenever we have to, the other is always there to listen. To give the best advice.

Today we met after really long. The third time in three years. The first time in Guwahati since we moved out. And. We just took off from where we had left. Time has changed so much since then. We have changed. The face of our city has too. But sometimes you never grow out of your comfort zone. We met up at our old haunt CCD, remembered old times, caught up with the new, discussed people’s whereabouts, walked down to Bakers Treat which holds “funny” memories for the two of us. And it was like living it all again! For a moment it felt as if time had stood still. It was heartening to see how much we know about each other. Little things that another person would maybe take years to learn. Sixteen long years of friendship thus, just showed!

What Lies Ahead

End of a journey this
The start of another,
Thus, a new beginning
Time again promises;
Shows a new ray of hope
Flickering at a distance,
A dream to chase
An excuse to cheer,
Amidst all the sorrow phase
A need to brush aside all the fear,
Of the future unknown.
So far so good it has been
Faith in the destiny
I, therefore, hold
All for the times together.

En-route

Pune-Hyderabad-Calcutta-Guwahati. My exams are finally over and I am on my way home. Two months. Of Family. Friends. Fun. Food. Travel. Sleep. Idleness. This 15-day short stint in Pune has been one of the most memorable so far. For a lot many reasons. Times that’ll remain etched in my memory forever. To cherish. Times that promise a new beginning. Of things brighter and happier. All of which comes down to the one. That constant factor from the time I arrived at Pune till the time I left today. More on all of that soon. :)

1230 hrs, 20/04/11

Calcutta Airport.

These Days

Yesterday I, thanks to my silliness, hurt my toe. Caught in rusted chains, it bled. Forced I was thus to get an injection. I did. The first one since the time I can remember.

Today was another day. Of preparations. Of RedBull. Of anxiety. A long night still ahead. It's not yet over!

Tomorrow is the day. The Sixth Semester exams begin. Three years down and done. At the end of this, I will be a graduate. Another small yet significant step in this journey of mine.

More excited or more nervous. I am still unsure. Maybe it's time to get back to the last kill. The penultimate revision. See you on the other side!

It is.

It is not about not being told what to do
It is about deciding what to do
It is not about not being answerable to others
It is more about being answerable to yourself
It is not about living alone
It is just about staying alone

That thing called 'Being Independent'

To Judge or Not To Judge?

I just read this story. Thought it'd be a great idea to share. To remember. To keep in mind. A simple truth we all tend to forget. 

Once upon a time, there was a painter who had just completed his course. He took 3 days and painted a beautiful scenery. He wanted people's opinion about his caliber and painting skills. He put his creation at a busy street-crossing. And just down below, a board which read -"I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes, etc. Please put a cross wherever you see a mistake."

While he came back in the evening to collect his painting, he was completely shattered to see that the whole canvass was filled with Xs (crosses) and some people had even written their comments on the painting. Disheartened and broken completely, he ran to his master's place and burst into tears. This young artist was breathing heavily and the master heard him saying "I'm useless and if this is what I have learnt to paint I'm not worth becoming a painter. People have rejected me completely. I feel like dying"

The master smiled and suggested "My Son, I will prove that you are a great artist and have learnt flawless painting. Do as I say without questioning it. It WILL work." The young artist reluctantly agreed and two days later, early in the morning he presented a replica of his earlier painting to his master. Master took that gracefully and smiled.

"Come with me", the master said. They reached the same street-square early morning and displayed the same painting exactly at the same place. Now, master took out another board which read -"Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. I have put a box with colors and brushes just below. Please do a favor. If you see a mistake, kindly pick up the brush and correct it."

Master and disciple walked back home. They both visited the place the same evening. Young painter was surprised to see that there was actually not a single correction done so far. Next day again they visited and found that the painting remained untouched.

In fact, it is said that the painting was kept there for a month but no correction came in!

Moral of the story: 

It is easier to criticize, but difficult to improve! So do not get carried away or judge yourself by someone else’s criticism and feel depressed. JUDGE YOURSELF FOR YOU ARE YOUR BEST JUDGE.

In me. I have faith. I believe.