A Confession

I will make a confession today. I have been blogging for some time now. But being read by my family and friends, where my identity is revealed makes me a little conscious. I am scared of being judged. A wee bit unsure before every post I publish. Sceptical. So a few weeks back, I had started a new blog – www.thistimeitisforme.wordpress.com, where I was a just a stranger in this virtual world, penning down my personal diary, sharing all that I go through. The varied emotions I experience, how I deal with it and all that follows. So long that I’ve blogged, it’s been for someone or the other, at some level. This time it was just for me.  I didn’t intend to think twice before putting up a post. No one could see me. I could. It was a feeling, nothing short of awesomeness.

Unfamiliar with the ways of Wordpress, however, my settings weren’t secure enough and Mr. C stumbled upon my blog. I was surprised to see him added as a subscriber but I am so glad that it was him and no one else. He, being a regular user of Wordpress, knew the site better and advised me how I was shown as a visitor on all the blogs that I visited. Hence, I have now deleted that blog and decided to post all that I want HERE.

I do not care what people think. I agree it’s a little uncomfortable at times. But then, I tell myself- “I am me when I write. I have to accept myself as I am. Before people around me do.”

Speechless.

R1 : Where is Lucknow?
R2 : It is the capital of UP.
R1 : Yeah?
R2 (to me) : How ignorant can a law student be?
ME (thinks) : How ignorant an Indian can one be!

What made my day

1. "Stronger sides have weaker lawyers, weaker sides have stronger lawyers. It was proved again today."

- PK, J 

2. "Counsel, I commend your advocacy skills."

- SHAR, J and then, again by RRA, J 

3. "When I was in practice, I heard people argue like this. But since the time I have joined the academic profession, I have never heard such brilliant arguments."

-  Ms. A

The best compliments received in a long time. Made my day. Flattered I am :D 

Victory tastes sweet

To sum up the Lucknow trip :)

Photos of the day

  

The Day So Far

1. Wake up call by Vineet: "I am your escort. Would you like to have breakfast?"
2. Once I fall back to sleep again, Devansh calling: "I am your escort. Would your team-mates like to have breakfast?"
3. Finally the real escort arrives, the sixth and the final one hopefully, Arunima: "Youuuu all are my super seniorsssss! I will sit down now. I am tired." Sweet one.
4. Breakfast at CCD. An unexpected "secret" drink arrives at our table. We know who sent it anyway!
5. Registration. Parted with our baby, named Memo.
6. We finally meet lanky Vineet. Over excited hello by the fellow.
7. Lunch. Better. Rajma-Chawal.
8. On way to inaugration ceremony. Pyaar deewana hota hain, mastana hota hain greets us on the stairs. The CCD fellow and our so-many escorts sing.
9. Mr. Ram Jethmalani. Believe You Me.
10. Vineet calling: "I have come out for sometime. Should I get something from the city?"

What a stay this is turning out to be! 

Another day

For the first time in months, I have been rendered speechless. I wanted to avoid any conversation. Any. The fifth escort just called (!) :o

Goodmorning people :D

The Journey ends - 5.

When the engine finally arrived :)

The ending of a new beginning. One ends, another starts

Oh! and as I promised I did manage to get a pic of Mr. Army man before we got down. A journey. Of good company. Conversation. Tales. Amusement. Photos. Laugh. Knowledge. Food :D

My expression when I saw the escorts. :o Three guys, a Qualis with a blue light (!), louuuddddd music blaring, tinted glasses, rash driving, sudden stop at a restaurant, “madam photo lengi”  … I’m happy to be alive and blogging again!!

How can I miss the pic ‘they’ clicked after borrowing my camera. Wtf.
 
Now in the land of…… ;)

Will be back soon! Good Night.

The Journey – 4.

Engine failed. So we are stuck here and what better way to while away the time? =P

The Journey – 3.

Another day in the train!

When the sun rises outside.

We wake up inside. 

and the entertainment show begins! Finally, a pic of all the three occupants of Berth A1 (38, 39, 40), II AC together :D
Followed by a little work or atleast the effort :P

Till lunch arrives. Bon Appetit people :D

The Journey – 2.

I’ll see if I can get a pic of the uncle next to us. He has amazing stories to tell. I know quite a lot about him already, including how he got married ;). Affirms my belief of being a good conversationalist. I shall continue :)

The Journey begins - 1.

   
…and you can follow me in my journey through pictures :)

Glad to know you

Some people leave an imprint on your mind forever. I met two today. This post should have been up long time back. That Sunday at Barista. But I am glad it wasn't up then. So I can put it up now. Just before leaving. Thank you, CSD and SDS for all the help. Throughout. Without you both, we wouldn't be going tomorrow in one piece! You'll are just amazing. Not just good friends, good mentors too :)

Luck-NOW. Better be. I really need it!

Keep walking ;)

Do or Die.

I am a last-minute person. I cannot work till the moment arrives. No matter how hard I try. "Do or Die" situations bring out the best in me. 3 days to go till the 11th of February. Some time still left! I shall overcome. :D

I.

To me, I am what I think I am.

To you, I am what you think I am.

I remain the same, just the perception changes!

Dear “You”

Over the past few months, we have built a relationship, if I may so say.  Of a strange kind. A little weird. One without a name. You understand me without words being spoken. You know me; sometimes much more than the people around me do. My moods. My feelings. My views. You make me comfortable. I can express myself without being conscious. Not afraid that you’d judge me. I share with you all that I can never do with anyone else. Each word you say makes me happy in a really weird way.  You are the reason why I write.

This is for you, “all”. Each one of you. Thanks for reading my blog :)

Yours truly!

Promise

Today was the second time this year that I have been reminded by a friend that I haven’t blogged for a long time now. Apparently it leaves readers disappointed. I do not like being the reason. So I shall. more often. That’s a promise :)

As I sit down to write, there isn’t anything specific on my mind. To start off, I’d love to congratulate my friend, a new-found one (I definitely wish we had met earlier!) Mr. “Lion” Saksena for his victory. Yes! every day shall now be a party day. So many plans. All before this month ends! Another promise.

Promise. I just made a promise. Not one, but two. But aren’t promises meant to be broken? Haven’t we all at some point heard people say so? Many a time. Surprisingly today, this stirs a thought in me. I spoke to my mum some time back. A very normal conversation to start; on the events of the day, my routine…… and then, she very casually told me that I needed to open myself towards that feeling called love. I was taken aback. At the odd turn the conversation had taken all of a sudden.

I am self-centred. I agree. So do the people around. But my mom believes that it’s because I am bitter about my life. Not exactly true. Not what I’d like to believe. I am happy. I am sure. Honestly, I may not be a firm believer in love but neither am I a non-believer. I have seen happy couples. I know it is not just a fairy-tale. It exists. You just need to be lucky. Just as my mum said, “Love exists. Between me and papa.” Yes mamma, it does. It makes me feel so proud. All of it. “Your parents are the most romantic couple. We idolise them.” I have never been happier.


Promises are not always broken. When broken, it hurts. Love is a promise. You both have shown me how. Yes Ma. As always, you are right. I will keep my promises. All of them. I have learnt it from the two of you.

With all the love that I can never express in words :)

I am not the ONLY one

Most of the time, I read blogs written by people I don’t know. Many of these posts make me wonder if someone is spying on my life. It is but a ditto copy paste of my story, my thoughts, my sentiments.

Reading blogs of people with similar lives makes you feel better. You just realise you are not the only one! A comforting thought that is!

It is ME that I am searching for

A few lines I read somewhere...I found them beautiful. Let me know if you do too :)

I am a lonely path of broken dreams,

It is heaven that I am searching for.

All these stars seems dull to me,

It is the moon that I am searching for.

Happiness is so angry at me,

It is joy that I am searching for.

There is a crowd around me at all times,

It is a soul that I am searching for.

My life is like an endless road,

It is a destination that I am searching for.

Don't know what is it that I've lost,

Maybe it is me that I am searching for!

My idea of LIFE

…Colourful and bright!

Memo

Memo submissions finally done :) What a sigh of relief! Thank you CSD, Lion Saksena and Arjun. Without you all, I really don’t know what we would have done.

I didn’t turn up for my date with Mr. Sleep three times in the past three days. Looks like he is pissed. He seems to have ditched me now. Let me see if I can pacify him and convince him to come back to me again. ;)

Till then,

Much love!

Grey to Pink

Colours mean happiness and joy. Have you noticed that my blog templates have changed from shades of grey to these bright ones? Orange and now, pink. It all reflects my mood. I am loving my life. Happy. Cheerful. I am at peace. With myself, and the world around. All seems to be set in place. This is how I want my life to be!

Blogs!

I read a lot of blogs. A lot of time. Sometimes my search lands me up on blogs unknown. I read. Personal diaries of them it seems! I sense a lot of familiarity in certain cases. I did today. Maybe it is just my quest to know a person. A little more. Most times, it does help. And it did. I see you in a different light all over again.

I don’t like believing I am judgmental. People around do. After today, I am inclined to bend towards the latter. All this because I chanced upon a friend’s blog. I never expected it to be what it was.

Friends don’t disclose secrets. I promise to keep yours. :) I really loved your blog. Continue writing. You’ll always feel lighter!

The first time our eyes met

Strangers in a crowd we stood
For familiar faces, we looked
Our eyes swept through the room
Amidst all the flowers bloom
T’was the first time
I saw you and you saw me
It seemed like it was just meant to be
The foolish grin, the twisted smile
The distance between seemed a mile
We moved through the crowd, our eyes constant
Afraid of losing sight of the other in any instant
“Hi! My name is Bill”
Time, for me, then stood still
Your voice, your eyes, what brought be along
Made me feel this is where I truly belong
We chatted, we talked, till it was four
This conscious, I have never been before
I waited long for your call
When it finally came, I was almost about to fall
This was definitely the best bargain-
“So when shall we meet again?”
Nodding, I smiled sheepishly at the above
Now I am waiting for it to blossom into love…

If you want more love, just ask for it

My facebook status currently reads : “If you want more love, just ask for it.” My friends disagree. They say, it’s either voluntarily given to you or it’s not. If you love someone, why not try and give so much love that he/she does not need to ask for more! They thus agree to disagree with me.

Importance of communication, is all that I am trying to point out. Haven’t we all seen relationships break because of lack of communication? Sometimes, never begin at all? I have heard so many of my friends complain about what they really expect from their special ones. How they fail to understand them. In light of all, is asking for love really that wrong? Isn’t it more like communicating your want, your need? At the least, it won’t keep you wondering.

Just a thought!

You.

Sometimes you want to say a lot and then words just fail you. It happens to me often. This was another of such instances. I was sitting in my Law of Torts class when this urge to write a poem came over me but the sad part is, this is all I managed to write. Class got over and I had to stop and after that one class, every time I’ve tried to write I did not succeed. Maybe the poem was one of those which was never meant to be complete. Just like you and me...

Words no longer come easy to me,
Clueless whether to let go or to let it be.
Thick as thieves we used to be once,
Till, too far, you decided to bounce.
Promised to myself I’d let you leave;
Through my feelings, I tried to deceive.
Those words at the time we had to part,
Time and again echoes in my heart.
...................................................
.........................................

A Realisation

I heard my mom tell me as I grow up. Life teaches. Life has. I have learnt a lot. Some good experiences. Others a little bad. As I posted earlier, in the whole journey I have changed from what I used to be to what I am.

Today was another day of realisation. A simple conversation to start. We were just discussing birthdays. Realisation one. I couldn’t remember dates. Then, the topic changed. *Current topic* Phone numbers. I am ashamed but it again dawned on me that I neither know my dad’s number nor my brother’s. Forget that, I do not remember anybody’s number taken post 2009. *A little later* My roommate talks about something which she had apparently already told me earlier. I do not remember it yet again. All of this and more in an hour.

It made me think. Introspect. Why? I am, rather was a person who wished everybody on their birthdays without fail, no matter how close or distant he or she was. I took pride in knowing everybody’s phone number by heart. I would remember the slightest of things. This was not me. As I was before.

I had changed. A great deal at that. Good or bad? I still don’t know. I have become indifferent. I have stopped getting involved. It doesn’t matter to me any longer what people say or do. It hurts sometimes. But then I forget about it.

It all started with my attempt to be strong. To forget people’s misdeeds. To not read too much into situations. I wanted to have an independent existence. In my quest today I have reached a stage where I have achieved it all. What I had set for myself. I am happy. But incidents like today make me ponder if I am in the right direction. I am questioning this now. But soon I shall forget about it. Like I have earlier.

Yours truly!

Making Space

Someone just asked me, "Do you still believe in love?” And I answered without missing a beat, “Yes I do”. The question keeps popping up all the time. Why is it assumed that someone who has had a break-up has to be a non-believer?

I have had a rather unhappy love story, having loved a guy for a better part of college life, which ultimately ended in total chaos,misery and tears. I went through my share of crying and moping and questioning “why me?” Getting over him wasn’t something that happened in a day. It was a slow healing process, during the course of which I learnt many things,most of them about myself. Sometimes I almost gave up, but now I think it was all worth the effort.

He and I had a love story straight out of fairytale books. I have always been a free spirit, wild and rebellious,while he was a quiet kind of guy who kept to himself. In the beginning it was this that attracted us to each other,but over time it became the source of frequent fights. Soon it was apparent I was holding onto someone who was not who I thought he was. The day he said he wanted to break up with me and never see me again, I was shattered. I had somehow assumed that we would get over the fights always.

After we broke up, I went through days of hating him,hating life,wishing I could just disappear from the face of this earth and not face the ordeal of rejection. And then it struck me that even hating him meant that he existed in my mind and in my heart. I had to do away with that first.

It wasn’t easy. I had terrible mood swings- one day I hated him so much that I never wanted to see him again, on other days I was on an unnatural high,laughing and joking with friends as if nothing had happened. Like a cancer patient , I had my good days and bad days. And then came the learning that did away with my bad days completely.

To be honest, even after he had decided to call it off, I tried to talk to him, insisted that we would work things out. Every new rejection brought fresh pain. Finally the day arrived when I realised that I had done all I could, that there was no more I could try.

I teach little children on weekends,and it is from them that I learnt one of the biggest lessons of my life. Kids have a simple view of life,making us adults seem silly,unnecessarily cluttering life with things that we should really move on from. One day, one of the children saw that I was a little sad and asked me what was wrong. I answered saying that my best friend had moved away. He came over , gave me a hug and told me I could have his.

I knew to have a new best friend, I had to vaccuum out the dust and make way for him. I turned towards blogging. I wrote about my experiences and many came forward sharing their own. We became support systems for each other,because we knew what the other person was going through. I found some of my closest friends online. My real life friends were just as fantastic,calling me up often,hugging me out of the blue and making sure I was doing well.

And with those realisations my spring cleaning began. I put away his memories in a box, literally. All the old cards and pictures were wrapped up and put in the attic. Old messages were deleted from the phone,and songs about heart break were gone from the phone. One of the silliest things, but one that I am most proud of,was sticking up a tiny yellow post-it,on which I wrote a quote I had read long ago, “tough times dont last, tough people do”. I put it on my desk, where, long ago, a framed picture of me and my boyfriend used to be. Everyday I read the note, a little part of me healed itself. I knew I was going to be okay.

And do I still believe in love? Yes, very much so. I believe someday someone will happen to come along, of course he will not be perfect, neither am I - but he will be perfect for me and I for him.

Pot-pourri of my thoughts

Yesterday my friend told me that I hadn’t written for long. No posts at all this year, apparently. A simple passing remark for her, maybe but it made me think. People notice. It’s always a nice feeling when you know there’s somebody reading what you write. Criticism for me is a form of appreciation. I got my pen and paper and decided I had to write. I was running out of ideas. Nothing much happening in my life. No great new year resolutions either. So chewing my pen, deciding what to write. I sat. A thought would appear but before I could shape it into words, it would simply disappear. I was struggling to write. A writer’s block, as I’d love to call it. I sat till 0230 hours in search of some imagination. Some topic. Some feeling. Anything that could get me to write. I sat online and I ended up facebook’ing. Finally sleeping over my laptop and books.

Today is a Sunday. Sundays, for me, are always special. I go to a Remand Home to teach English to the kids there. It’s been three years now. But everyday is a new day.It always feels like a fresh rejuvenating start. The energy the kids have, their affection, their unconditional love. There have been days when the worst of days have been changed into the best days by them. Their smiles. You always mean a world to them. It’s nice to be special in someone’s lives. And i am one in theirs. They in mine.

My kids, as I am proud to call them, asked me the meaning of the word change in class today. A simple word, I explained. A caterpillar changes into the butterfly. They understood. The literal meaning. Change, in life, has a deeper meaning. I thought to myself .

Change is the only thing constant in your life. I heard people say. First, when I had to change schools in my ninth grade, then again in my tenth and once more after my twelfth when I had to come to this city miles away from home leaving family and friends behind.I always wondered if change was that essential. If yes, why so? I failed to comprehend it all myself. I took it as a part of life and never questioned. In fact, I don’t question too much. Not in class. Not outside. I am not rebellious. I take whatever comes my way. (Don’t take my non-questioning behaviour as my timidity or you are in to commit a mistake!)

A few years in this city all by myself and I have realised what people around me could not explain. Rather what I could not understand. Change is essential. It is good. Happens with time. For a reason. Like today I changed my blog template. It’s not that I didn’t like the old one. But to infuse freshness. To avoid it from becoming stale. That was the reason. It happened with time. I like the new one now.

From dusk to dawn, the sun changes its colours. Seasons change. Within a span of years, the skyline of your city changes. (Mine has!) People around you change. sometimes you change in return too. Change is all around. The newest thing I’ve heard is the change in the Zodiac signs. I grew up believing I am a Taurean. A true one. Stubborn. Obstinate. Today I hear I am an Aries. Maybe I will accept that too. Change my Sunsign.

As I enter the new year 2011, I am sure for a fact, I am not the same person I was in 2010. I had made some decisions then to change. Changed? I have. This is a new me. In a new year. To discover new things. I hated change so long. I’ve started loving it now.

PS. 1: I hope you have all put in a lot of changes in your new year resolutions!

PS. 2: This is for all of you who were waiting for my new post. You guys keep me blogging! Thanks a ton.

Everytime I try

[There are days when you feel like writing. Something. Just about anything. But you still fall short of words. Thank you 3ww for those lovely prompts as always:) ]

Every time I try to tell myself,

Make a vain attempt at convincing myself

That I need to move on

And you're so long gone.

When I want to be rude to you,

To make sure you get your due

For having been so mean

And making me feel so lean;

You come up with another reason so filthy

Yet it makes me feel that you're guilty;

And I remember all the good that you have done,

Such that I evade another line of pun.

My heart melts,

I remove my tight buckled belts

And come back to you

To be your friend, to guide you

'Cause I feel

The wounds you have given, I can still heal

But the sacrifices you made

From my heart can never fade...

As cold as a wedge, I wonder how long this will continue

And if the good old you will ever renew!

Written for Three Word Wednesday; 3ww: buckle, evade, wedge and #112 Monday Poetry Train Revisited

The Year That Was -- 2010

What a year it has been! It started off on a happy note. And 5 days to go. It's still continuing. After a not-so-happy 2009, it was indeed a refreshingly welcome one. The one important lesson I learnt this year: You have to learn to find happiness within you. Only that form of happiness is permanent. All others are transitory. It will come, it will go.

Having learnt that, this has been one hell of a year. The year began with an awesome win at Aurangabad where all the hard work paid off. I had the two coolest moot partners in Shruti and Apoorva. And for Preeti's help with the preparations, just a thank you would never be sufficient. February saw me home for my cousin's wedding and as is always the story, a grand family reunion: three generations of the family getting together is never short of awesomeness. This was no different! March was MAD with Bangalore as I attended the Make a Difference National Conference, where I met the MADdies from all over and new friendship bonds were forged. April brought with it my 21st birthday and one of the best so far. Here's a peek! Internship time knocked the doors in May and it took me to Bombay and a month long stay at Rhea's. That insane night, courtesy, Rhea, Gauri, Hansika, Alvir, ... happened and will remain one of the best in memory! Work too couldn't have been more fun, thanks to my super-cool co-interns! June was summer time with school friends and a reunion planned. Meeting most of them after 6 years and I realised how time had passed. July to September rushed and before it even dawned on me, a Semester was over. October saw me home and November was one crazy month in Delhi. Two weeks in Pune this December and I am home for Christmas and New Years after two years in college and away. And as I am writing this, my friend just called to say that me she's planning another reunion on the 31st.

This is what I call an eventful year. Adieu 2010. Happy New Year, folks! :D

Irony

I am sure all of you have heard this. It's certainly not my original. But it's also something I couldn't stop thinking about after I came across it ...

"Finish and Complete are synonyms. Used in place of one another. However, while the right man will complete you, a wrong man may finish you!"

Ironical, how true it is?

The letter

“Dear X,

Here, I sit down under the moonlight, knowing that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to forget you. It reminds me of the times when we would sit together and capture the essence of beauty at nightfall. Those arms of safety. Those eyes that never judged me. I miss. I smile silently to myself thinking of the time that has passed.”

Suddenly I heard a baby wail. I came back to where I was. I stopped writing. My six month old grand daughter had woken up. I needed to go. I kept to complete the letter for another day…

Written for Three Word Wednesday, 3ww: judge, nightfall, safety and Room for Romance#9

What I learnt today

I am impulsive. I have always been. I act without thought. Careful thought. That explains why I have stilettos' of the same kind in exactly the same colour maybe with a little difference in their heels, jeans of the same shade of the same brand of the same fit simultaneously bought with a difference so slight no one would ever notice, slippers which I bought together at one go and which I never wore, t-shirts of exactly the same kind in three different colours, not to forget the things I picked up from here and there which did not even find its way to my cupboard and oh! yes, this list could just go on. Endless. Ask my mum to start a lecture on how impulsive I am and if you knew her even a little, you’d wonder if you have ever seen her talk so much. That was on a lighter side. Looking back, acting impulsive always has definitely not been the best. There are many things which I would have loved to end or turn out a little differently! But that’s how it is. You learn. There have been these small instances where my impulsive-ness was tested but then my “That’s how I am!” attitude didn’t help me either. Starting my blog was impulsive, but then it taught me a big lesson. Today I will tell you how.

Sometimes I have so much to write. Sometimes so little. I wondered why. To write isn’t difficult. I thought. Then I rephrased. To think and write is difficult. When I write, I read it again, And again. Before publishing, I try to ensure that I am making sense. That I am not hurting anybody. I control my impulsive-ness. I pay attention to what I am jotting down. I know my words can have far-reaching consequences. So I reflect. It helps. I feel good at the end of it. Life events prompt me to write and in this space of mine, I look back and I see the other person’s perspective. A view that had eluded me all the while. This task is not so easy. But with time, I have realized there is always a second side to the story. Today I weigh pros and cons. I think before I act. I think twice before buying. Recently, I bought a dress. I bought it after I couldn’t get it off my mind a week after seeing it. That is just a small picture. On the larger front, I have stopped being judgmental. I no longer jump to conclusions. Like I always did.

Everybody deserves a chance!

A 100 Truths About Me

I have been blogging for quite some time now and before my visitor count reached the golden figure 1000, I thought why not blog about myself. About me. So here's a random list of 100 truths that I came up with!

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage= Mirinda

2. last phone call = Dad
3. last text message = Divya Seth, a co-intern
4. last song you listened to = Uff teri adaa
5. last time you cried = 15 November

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = No
7. been cheated on = Yes
8. kissed someone & regretted it = No
9. lost someone special = Yes
10. been depressed = Yes
11. been drunk and threw up = Yes

FIRST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Purple
13. Green
14. Black

THIS YEAR (2010) HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend = Yes
16. Fallen out of love = No

17. Laughed until you cried = Yes
18. Met someone who changed you = No
19. Found out who your true friends were = I've known them for quite some time now :D
20. Found out someone was talking about you = No
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list = Mum, Dad, Brother, Cousins, if that counts!

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = All of them
24. Do you have any pets = No
25. Do you want to change your name = No
26. What did you do for your last birthday = Lunch with friends
27. What time did you wake up today = Around 8 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Sleeping
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = Going home from college!
30. Last time you saw your Mother = Last night 9.45 pm
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = I love the way it is!
32. What are you listening to right now = A conversation between two associates at a law firm I am interning in, about a blackberry and its features :p
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = No
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = Who rather! My room-mate in Delhi

35. Most visited webpage = Besides my own blog...Facebook otherwise. Manupatra at the moment! For those who don't know, Manupatra is a stock of all Indian case laws.
36. Where do you want to be right now? = Shopping with mom.
37. Nicknames = Loya. Mamu. Gola. Rays.
38. Relationship Status = Single
39. Zodiac sign = Taurus
40. Male or female? = Female
41. Elementary = Holy Child Guwahati; MGI Mauritius; Maria's Public School Guwahati
43. High school = Army Public School Narangi
44. Hair color =Black
45. Long or short = Long
46. Height = 5'6"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = No
48. What do you like about yourself? = I am obsessed with myself.

49. Piercings = 5

50. Tattoos = None

51. Righty or lefty= Righty

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery = Not yet! *Touchwood*

53. First piercing = Ears

54. First best friend = Not in touch now. In kindergarden..Protima was her name, I think!

55. First kiss = ...

56. First vacation = was with family and cousins. Delhi - Manali :D

58. First crush = The boy next door

59. Eating = Desserts

61. I'm about to = start researching for case laws

62. Listening to = Nothing, at the moment.

63. Waiting for = the next family vacation. In December, mostly!

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids? = Yes

66. Career? = Law, mostly!

67. Lips or eyes =Eyes

68. Hugs or kisses = Hugs

69. Shorter or taller= Taller

70. Older or Younger= Older

71. Romantic or spontaneous = Romantic

72. Nice stomach or nice arms = Nice stomach

73. Sensitive or loud = Sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship = Relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant = Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger = No. Never.

77. Drank hard liquor = Yes

78. Lost glasses/contacts =Many a time

79. *#@*&@# on first date= Never

80. Broken someone's heart = Not intentionally

81. Had your own heart broken = Maybe

82. Been arrested = No

83. Turned someone down = Yes

84. Cried when someone died = Yes

85. Fallen for a friend = No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = A lot. Too much!

87. Miracles = Not happened to me. No.

88. Love at first sight= No. It can only be infatuation.

89. Heaven = You pay for your deeds. Yea!

90. Santa Claus = Mum and Dad

91. Kiss on the first date = No

92. Angels = Friends!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

93. Had more than one bf/gf?= No

94. Had a crush on someone you don't know? = All the time. The crush is crushed when I get to know the person!

95. Did you sing today? = No

96. Ever cheated on somebody? = Na

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? = 1 minute. I don't like living in the past.

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? = Hamla times

99. Are you afraid of falling in love with somebody= No

100. Posting this as 100 truths?= Definitely!

Care. Cry. Change.

My mum just sent me a message. I am sharing it with you. It stirred a thought in me. I am sure it will for you too.

"We make them cry who care for us.

We cry for those who never care for us.

And we care for those who will never cry for us.

This is the truth of life, it's strange but true.

Once you realise this it's never too late to change."

Yours truly!

Mothers, boy-friends, etc.

[This post is a work of real life experience and any resemblance to the life of any person, living or dead is purely coincidental...NOT!]

Have you grown up hearing your mum warn you about the boy next door or your classmate or that friend from your tution? Yes! that very friend who you were 'chaddi-buddies' with and who she was so cool with till maybe you turned a teen. A few lectures on how you are now growing up and how your relation with the opposite sex changes. Didn't she frown every time you were on the phone with him for more than 10-15 minutes irrespective of who he was? Terms like 'sex' and 'gender' which you thought were synonyms so long seemed to be not really so in the real world!

Soon, you had guy friends your mum did not know about. All parties you went to prima facie seemed to be all-girl parties. You heard stories of how she was a bad girl as she had a boyfriend. Courtesy your mother. And if you yourself had a boyfriend, you thought to yourself, "Not a big deal. He's just a friend who is a guy!" Otherwise, "Ohhh! I can tell this to my other friends. She has a special friend." Our ideas on who a boyfriend was may not have been clear yet we all had an opinion.

Many of us actually opined that having a boyfriend was not really good. So we either hid the fact or chose not to have one. And. Wait for the right time, as the mums would advise. I know of a few who actually ran away from guys not wanting to disappoint their parents. Funny but true. A fact all of us in our hearts know. It's not just you and me but what maybe many of us have gone through. Forbidden territory, it thus remains!

Years later, once we cross that twenty-four year old mark and mothers become friends, the same question crops again. This time with a different aspect added to it. Marriage! If you were not good (I'd prefer calling smart) enough and you have a boyfriend, good for you else face it. That ordeal of proposals, random exchange of mails, dates. Which remind you of some old Hindi cinema. You curse your mother for having warned you against having a boyfriend. Hyprocrisy at its best, is what you come to believe.

Hyprocrisy or not, I do not know. Maybe it's that extra concern a parent has for their children. Come to think of it, rationally, some day we will turn parents and maybe we will impose the same demands. The other day I heard my sister tell her 6-month old daughter "You're this tiny. You fit into my hands completely. Someday you will grow old, choose someone for yourself and then go away!" My niece may not have understood but I, as the witness of a mother-daughter conversation, understood. The concern, the fear. This is how it must have been with our mothers and this is how it will be the day we all turn mothers. Certain things do not change. This is one of those things!

Hunger

A hunger so immense,

Only the sight of food could effect

a shimmer of hope...

Writtern for Three Word Wednesday, 3ww: effect, immense, shimmer

Left alone on the aisle

[After my first 3ww post last week, I've been really waiting for this one. I've never been so excited for Wednesdays before =P]

We walked together a mile
Before you kept me waiting on the wedding aisle.


On that day, when you did not appear, and the time drew near,
I was instilled with a fear.
Eager faces, heads turned to the door
My father then started to roar;
He wished not to become a ridicule
I prayed hard so that you would turn up on your mule.


In the hall, everybody hissed
My mother then I truly missed;
Her advice I had not paid heed
Maybe that's why I had to pay my deed.


Time passed, guests went,
Left alone, I had my anger to vent;
Tears rolled down my cheeks
And a question that my mind had to pick--
"Would you be able to absolve yourself of the guilt
For having given me hope to believe in the dream world I had built?"

Written for Three Word Wednesday; 3ww: absolve, hiss, ridicule

Thank you, Aankhi

[I asked my friend to write a guest post for my blog and the awesome person that she is, she agreed at one go. She is an extremely good writer. And especially if you want a dose of nice senti stuff, read her blog and you might have tears in your eyes. I love her blog and you will too, I am sure!]

You entered my life
Like a hushed breeze
Blowing gently through the leaves.
At first a stranger, one who laughed without care
who spoke of slight intimacies and general grounds,
who made me feel strangely valued and rare
You became a friend, no longer a stranger,
I trusted you with secrets hidden
Perched you where others were forbidden
We talked and laughed and it took a while
Before suddenly my day, was dependent upon your smile.

We journeyed afar down the path as friends
Avoiding the bumps and cautious bends
And all along this joyous ride
You donned the cap of a proficient guide
You brought me along our course,
To a destination I had never seen
You became my best friend along that journey,
Reached a place in my life where none had ever been.

You guided each stride
In you I could confide
and it wasn't your fault
When it all abruptly came to a halt
Somewhere along our path,
I stumbled and fell
I fell forward, along the path we'd tread.
Oblivious as to where I would now be led
My impetuous plunge further was unguided
My steps were steps you never intended.
The fall was so sudden that even I had no clue
That I had abruptly fallen in love with you .

I've never been sorry for any step we've taken in unison
no, not even for the fall I took alone.
I never knew, before knowing you, how empty my life had been.
I thought I was happy. I thought I was successful.
I didn’t know there’s so much I haven’t seen

I value most the way we talk about anything any time anywhere.
And each time I listen to you, each time I think over what we share
I learn something new. About you. About me. About the world.
I've learned to trust in your instincts.

I love the vitality and zest that is so much a part of you.
I treasure that spark of spirit in you,
that flashing flare of fire that animates all that you do.
It's easy to see how much you love life,
And that urge to beat every strife

I love the way you trust in me, never quite whole hearted,
but always just enough.
That trust started as a small seed, I think,
a tentative whisper of unearned confidence,
often shrouded by a cloak of hesitation and unsurety.
I could always tell when you faltered,
when the steps we took were uncertain and questioned.
And still you trusted me,
with whatever it be
You'll never know how much that trust has meant to me.

I love the way you understand me too well.
It's uncanny sometimes how well you know my thoughts, my feelings, my moods,
frightening at times how closely our lives have become interlinked.
You know so much of me, secrets I've never told,
Parts of what I behold
allowed you to delve
In parts of me I've never seen myself.

I'm not blinded by my love, though, and know you are not perfect.
You are impatient and easy to anger,
too intolerant when you should tolerate,
too forgiving when you shouldn't forgive.
You allow the stresses of life to mould your day,
allow the commitments of life to shape your way.
I know your imperfections as well as your perfections,
know your faults as well as your assets.
And I find I love you not in spite of those,
but as much because of them as anything else.

Your life has touched mine.
My friendship with you, my love for you,
all that you are and aren't,
has transformed my life in ways you cannot fathom,
in ways I could never describe in depth.
The gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
has worked her wondrous magic,
transforming the one she touched.
I'm not who I was before
I will never be that way again.

In learning to love you, I discovered I've never loved before.
Not truly. Not entirely. Not eternally.
I've spent much of my life in love with love,
searching for the fulfilment of a concept,
caring more for caring than caring for another person.
I confused lust with love, intimacy with affection.
And when those feelings waned, when the relationship died,
I wondered why I felt so empty, so stupefied
You changed that, as you've changed so much more
You taught me how to soar

I wish you knew the me of before,
as you know so well the me of today,
so you could see the difference knowing you has made.
You've changed my life in many a way
in ways small and ways important,
in ways you'll never know nor understand.
The impact you've had on me,
on the way I feel and think and act,
will endure forever. Until the end of time.
Like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.

-- Aankhi Ghosh October 12, 2010 at 11:10am

Thank you, Aankhi, I fondly call her icy, for sharing your poem :)

Desire

It was a full moon night. He was waiting for her beside the lake. They had not spoken after that night. She silently approached from behind. He turned to face her. The sheen of her satin dress reflected upon his face and his eyes hinted a confusion. She had noticed it. Did he have the same question on mind. Had they confused their lust for love?

Written for Three Word Wednesday; 3ww: hint, lust, sheen

Words

Your one gentle word,
Touches my heart's cords,
It makes me fine
And my whole world falls in line.
When nothing else matters
And my life is in tatters;
A gentle word is all I long...
Am I asking for something wrong?
For you, nothing much it may mean;
But for me a long time it has been
Since the last time I've heard
And felt like a free flying bird!
I don't understand what makes it so hard for you
To say a word so gentle, so true;
Maybe to mean you just don't feel
And that's what makes it such a big deal.

Note to Self

#1. Don't let someone become a priority in your life,

when you are just an option in their life...
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

#2. Never explain yourself to anyone.
Because the person who likes you doesn't need it,
and the person who dislikes you won't believe it.

Courtesy- www.pravsworld.com

I feel

Everyone in this world craves for love,
To love and to be loved.
No one can deny that
And if anyone gets it on a platter,
They won't appreciate it.

Opinion

My mother and I are talking over lunch. A lot of stuff from here and there. Then. *Current topic*. A certain somebody.

My mother says- "Some people have no opinion!"

I say- "Opinion. Everyone does. Some people just compromise with it."

Home sweet Home

It's been quite a lull. Haven't posted for a long time. I was away in college. Been busy. I know that's not a valid excuse. Valid? Excuse? I doubt. I did try a few times. The thought of writing did cross my mind. In fact, quite a few times I did attempt till that evil feeling called laziness crept in. Which sort of explains why I have so many half-written unpublished notes.

While in college, I missed home. Family. Food. My bed. All of it. A week before my prep leave actually started, I was on my flight home. A fortnight before that, I was counting days. Striking off dates on the calendar. Every night, I felt better. Another day gone. For another friend, her day used to end in the afternoon. Reason? She was going to leave for her home-town a day after I left. She convinced herself hard we had equal number of days to go home. Defies logic? True it does! Senseless it may seem but that is exactly what home does to you. Even to supposedly BIG twenty-one year olds!

I left home for college two and a half years ago. I had no problems settling down. Thanks to those wonderful people I met there. I love the place. I love that feeling of being independent. Taking my own decisions. I love my life there. Yet I doubt if I'd ever grow out of that one best place in the world. That which my heart yearns for every now and then. Home.

I'm so glad to be back. :)

Lost and found.

Something I had written long time back for my best friends forever. My true angels.

My Angels

Whether I am happy or I am sad,
Whether I am in a mood that is good or is bad;
You, my Angels, forever beside
I can go on my dream ride.

You wipe my tears,
You drive away all my fears;
You, my Angels, forever strong
Provide all the support for which I long.

In times of joy,
If I am a child, you are my toy!
In times of despair
You are my medicine of repair.

You mean this and a lot more to me
You all are my Angels and will be...
Met you all in different walks of life
Now I wish I was a guy and you all were my wives!