Wednesday, March 16, 2011

MEMORIES OF KOKA

Our dearest Koka is no more, yet our memories remain. “Koka”, the very word brings to our mind the portrait of a quiet and serene figure in clean and white Kurta Pajamas, sitting in the porch lost in his thoughts or browsing through the newspaper.

Koka was a man of few words and sometimes it became very difficult for us to elicit a word out of him. But sometimes when he was in mood, he would let us have a glimpse of his eventful life, especially of his school and college days. Such occasions were rare and very special to us because usually when we pestered him to tell us stories, he would only say “Kailey Kom” (I’ll tell tomorrow), but “Kailey” would never come.

Koka was not one to display his affections openly, no hugs or kisses as such, but everytime we came to Dibrugarh, we could see his face light up with a smile and his one word “Ahila” (So you have come) reflected his immense love for us all. For us this meant a lot more than hugs or kisses.

Koka was always the first one to get up in the morning. Whenever we were in Dibrugarh, every morning we would be woken by Koka’s booming yet kind voice. He never allowed us to sleep late. He wanted us to make good use of our time.

Koka was a gourmet. Good food, fish in particular was his weakness. He also liked watching others enjoy food. Whenever we came to Dibrugarh he would have varieties of eatables bought.

To others Koka was a great politician, an astute lawyer. But to us, he was first and foremost “Koka” who always had time for us – to give us advice, to tell us rare stories. In fact, he was like a huge tree engulfing us in its shade.

All these sweet memories of yesterday, memories of the happier times which he had spent with us are now only a part of the past. Koka is no more. But we hope that wherever he is, he finds true peace and happiness, maybe more than this world offered to him.

DSC00095By:
Ankur, Nishita, Raktim, Rachita, Pallavi,
Rashmi, Raya, Bristi, Rohan, Gayatri.
(His grandchildren)

05/08/1998

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

So many reasons to make this day special

It is a big day for my friends, Prayashi and Risha, "the" two of my closest and my best-est friends. You guys are in Bombay to turn your dreams into reality. To sit for an interview that will decide your destiny. You have worked much and now is the time. All the best, my two loves. I know you can. I believe. I trust. 

Sheena, a sister more than friend in Pune and Aisha, who made the Mauritius stay all the worth, it's a special day as you guys turn a year older (and wiser, hopefully!) ;) Just kidding. You both belong to my list of "brilliant people". I love the kid in you. That's what makes you both so special in a world full of "mature" people. I love to share with you 'cause you care to listen. You are my bags of laughter. I love you both. Wish you a Happy Zappy Kick-ass Birthday!

Have the nicest day :D
All my love!

Moving on

I love mystery.
I love the unknown. 
I love the thrill of moving towards it. 

To discover. 
To know. 
Once done that, the inquisitiveness covered, 
The unknown known, it all ends. 

The interest wanes. 
There is calm again. 
The search for another territory begins. 
Another dream to chase. 
Life goes on.

I can see it happening again.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Things on my mind

In no particular order,

1. Exams. Exam time-table is out. It’s again a do or die situation. Tomorrow 7 o’clock I shall start studying “sincerely”.

2. Food. Momos for breakfast and lunch at “Red”. My ideal Sunday.

3. Travel. My tickets to Pune have just been booked. 5th of April. Bombay, here I come!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Silver lining in the clouds

On an otherwise boring mundane Thursday afternoon, what beings me joy is the fact that my Indiblogger rank has gone up and my total pageviews is close to reaching the 5K mark.

:D

Being “me”

Being me isn’t easy. That is because I am different. I tell myself. But this difference is only relative. For I am sure in this big bad wide world, there are many people just like me. Many. A lot of them. With ideas. Thoughts. Likes. Dislikes. Similiar. But they aren't the people I spend my life with. The fact is that there is no such person in my world. The world I love in. My cocoon. The people I spend my life with, I am not like any of them. Yet when I come across them, who do not make me feel like the outsider in my own life, I know I am not an aberration.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Practising a virtue

My patience is being tested. But I shall still maintain my calm. I am counting forward. I am counting backwards. Patience is a virtue, they say. The key to success. I never know what this one’s worth!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

*Touchwood*

This was supposed to be a surprise till I returned to Pune. But
...
"Congratulations, Miss Best Ops Nationally for the year 2010!! Proud of you girl :) :)"
"Hi Raya, congrats! you won the "Best Operations" for last year"
...
Lol!

Mr. A, disappointed, tells me, "Never told you cause we were planning to give you a surprise, with all the crowning ceremony and all".

A dream come true it is :D Yes! the MAD "crown" for Best VP Operations belongs to me. Affirms my faith that all the right things are happening this year and I am so loving it! 

Thanks guys! As for the surprise bit, it's the thought that counts. I will still act surprised, with the O-expression. 

=P

Love!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Finally I blog from home

The fact that I am blogging again means I am home. This side of the world. Where there is peace. Happiness. Bliss. It’s like some divine intervention in the otherwise busy hectic life we lead. It’s funny how while in Pune, I crave to blog and no net-access sometimes drives me crazy, at home where there is internet all the time, I am blogging after two full days of reaching. That’s how much I crave to share. To talk. For someone to listen. Here I have been busy so far with my “verbal onslaughts” and I have a wonderful audience. I have not spared anyone!

*doing the victory dance*

=P

Ego v. Attitude

What I perceive as my ego, you perceive it as my attitude. Neither is an excuse. The crux remains that negativity affects the way we think.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Next time shall be from home

Finally, I am at the airport to go home. With a lot of memories this time. This semester has been a dream. Each month getting better than the other. Definitely my best semester in law school so far. The other day Mr. A sarcastically remarked, “Living your dream, eh?” I smiled. Did not reply. Now, I wish I had.

Back to the present, I am sitting at the airport. I reached like two hours early. Check-in was smooth. I had my second strawberry milkshake in six hours. The first one was better, thanks to the company. I do notice that a lot of mention has been made about the “company” in recent times. I agree with you mister that the company matters and am I glad to be in yours! Your sense of humour is so contagious that it has rubbed off on your number/network right now and it’s acting funny. Lol!

The atmosphere at the airport is always amazing. The kind of people you meet. Sometimes which progresses to conversations. Otherwise just a glimpse of different ways of life. That’s the best part of my journey always. I love the wait, thanks to what I get to see around. A panorama. Of unfolding of events. A continuously passing changing scene. Today, I have restrained myself from striking “random” conversations though the strong urge to do so. Well, did happen! In fact, I was almost about to join one when a friend called. By the time I hung up, those fellow-conversationalists were gone. They were a young group of professionals working in Pune on their way to Bangalore for a meeting. Looking around then, I saw  a young kid “the unaccompanied minor” being led by the ground-staff towards the boarding gate. It brought back to me memories of those summer vacations when mom and dad would pack me and my brother off to our grandparents place and Koka and Aita would be there at the airport to receive us. The privileged treatment- we were the first to enter and the first to leave the “aeroplane”. What a thrill! Something I looked forward to always. Makes me wonder haven’t I always loved attention! ;)

Boarding has just been announced and so, am off now. Thank you A-musing for keeping me busy! The next time I blog shall be from Guwahati. Home.

Till then,
All my love!

Friday, March 4, 2011

A-Musing

I just changed the name of my blog. For the third time. Why? Just like that. Like everything around deserves a change, my blog does to. Otherwise it gets too monotonous.

A-musing is an interesting name. While musing means contemplation and thought, my blog is a reflection of just that. Me. My mind. And then, yes it's amusing (read entertaining) for me to read what I have written after that moment has passed. I amuse/surprise myself. Double meaning. It is! I love both. So when this name struck me in my Family lecture today, I decided to rush back and effect the change.  

Hence, the original "Expressions" later know as "Scribbles" will henceforth be known as "A-musing". The name has changed but it will continue to remain the same. My space. My blog. My baby.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

A happy day

It wasn’t the perfect start to the day but as they say, it all changes when you are in the right company. By the end of it, I can vouch for the fact that today was definitely one of the better days. Those happy carefree awesome days. Two souls. Laughing. The khula wala hassi. The joke upon one. Then the other. People joined and then left. The joy of small talks. Nonsensical ones. They failed to understand. It is so much easier. Where you do not think before saying anything. For you know you will not be judged. You aren’t scared. ROFLMAO. That is what I literally did! And like my favourite quote by Habib Bourguiba says, “Happy is the person who can laugh at himself for he never ceases to be amused.” Who can better explain it than the man who I think mastered it today! Not once, but thrice. It is always nice to be in the company of a happy person. Today was no exception!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

A Warning!

Certain things irritate me beyond measure. And this, my friend, is one of those things. I am NOT a very nice person when I am cranky. So it is better for you and for me that you DO NOT rub me on the wrong side. Otherwise, beware! I will try my best to recover what I have lost and in case I don’t, then you better watch out.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Showers of blessings

On a bright hot sunny day, the feel of raindrops against your skin is a feeling divine. That's why when my friend told me it was raining, I came back from lunch and boy! was I sad that I missed it. But that was not to be. How could a Father see his child disappointed. The clouds soon enveloped the landscape and the drizzling began. Big heavy drops of rain.

The clouds soon enveloped...

I love the rain and the way it feels on my skin. I like to go out in the rain and just stand there and let the rain hit my face. That is what exactly I did today. The raindrops trickled down my forehead.  Ticklish, I wiped them off. I stood. Just me and the rain. The atmosphere was amazing. We spent the moment in silence. Only to be interrupted. By the pitter-patter of the raindrops.

I believe I am God's favourite child. The showers of blessings just made my day :D 

The Countdown

Another day. Another morning. When I shall drag myself to class. This ordeal shall now continue for only 4 more days till July next. Glad I am! The countdown begins.

The irony is I also want the time to stand still. I love the fun I am having. It all seems perfect. Too many nice people around. The innumerable plans. Days are falling short to execute 'em all. I wish each day was longer.

One of those time when it's hard deciding! But yes even more so, since both are equally tempting. I am falling prey to both

=P

Sunday, February 27, 2011

True that...

BETTER TO WRITE FOR YOURSELF AND HAVE NO PUBLIC, THAN TO WRITE FOR THE PUBLIC AND HAVE NO SELF.
                                                                   - CYRIL CONNOLLY

I wish!

I’ve not wished in really long that I could hold back time. Right now, I really do!

My little Miss

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I made a new friend today. Her name is Lakshmi. I do not know if I will see her again. But her innocence touched my heart. I was "big" for her. She was a little sceptical at first. But then I warmed up to her. We started talking. We spoke about her. Her dreams. Her friends. Her family. She did not have big dreams, she said. But her eyes gleamed. Twinkled with hope. I saw. She said she did not go to school. I asked her if she would come with me. I taught kids like her. I would teach her too. She looked at me and a little later, said no. She did not want to go to school. Her brother did. I tried to bribe her saying she’d meet more friends. Kids of her own age. She said she did not know have any friends. She did not know her age. She was smart. I realised. Her answers were quick. She ran to her mother. Came back and told me she was five years old. I was scared she might get bored and run away from me. So I clicked a picture. She shied. A little while later, her elder brother came and took her away.

I hope to meet her soon. Again.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

My scrumptious lunch



Why I now need a good sleep ;)

Much love!

Home time again!

I will be home in 6 days. What can be better? :D

Take a chance

Another of those poems I started with but alas! which I never managed to finish. Now the moment has passed and it is impossible to go back in space to that time, that mood. A glaring reminder again of the transient nature of everything around.

ALONE

In the midst of a busy road I stand,
Yet not a friendly face to lend a helping hand,
My eyes wander through the crowd,
My silent tears never so loud,
Heads turned, unfriendly stares,
In my life, it was a moment so rare.
Used to attention, a hundred smiles,
Here no one cared to stop even for a while.

As I jot down these lines, it brings me back again to what I was telling my friend today. Time and tide wait for none. It will not, for me nor you. Everything is momentary. We are merely visitors passing by. At the end of our journey, there should be no disappointment. We shouldn’t regret about the things not done. Rather, cherish about the chances taken. The opportunities grabbed. I do not like the idea of “what if's …” in my life. Contemplation sucks. You cannot know what is in store for you. It is next to impossible. Therefore, take chances before it is too late for it is so much better than living in uncertainty, clueless whether it is to be or not to be!

If it has to happen, it will NOT happen unless you make it happen :)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

It got me thinking

Yesterday, I sat with my friends for a good hour and a half after class. Outside the bank in the college campus. Our usual thinking spot. The mission. Each to make their respective bucket list. That was simple. At least it sounded so. It would be fun I thought. I would make a list of wild to-do’s and together, we would laugh over it. That was the idea. We would check out who has crazier ideas. In recent times, I’ve hardly looked back. Looked within. So this was going to be a great opportunity.

I had not even started when I faced a block. A kind of writers block. I was stuck at to-do no.1. I was stressed. I did not know what I wanted. What was that craving for? How would my life be more exciting? I had no answer. I kept telling myself I was happy. I was satisfied. In my mind, my inner voice echoed- Career wise, I knew what I wanted. My personal life was smooth too. I did not want anything more. I refused to jot down a list just for the heck of it. I wanted to achieve it too.

After a great ordeal and a lot of fighting within, I came up with 10 to-do’s on my list. Each set with a deadline. The most realistic bucket list ever. If that’s even called a bucket list(!) But then something happened. What happened was not planned. Something I would have never imagined on my list of things to do. It was sudden. It was sort of exciting. Though freaky at that point of time! I realised. Things turn out better when not planned. Not thought of. If I had that on my bucket list, it would be an achievement(?). A tick. But that would be it.

To add more meaning, an element of surprise is essential. That thus, got me thinking!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

An advice

A few of my new-found friends will be leaving college in less than month. Needless to say, they go into bouts of sadness now and then. This is what I told one of them the other day.

"People who matter to you in the past automatically find their way into your present and future."

Therefore, relax. 

The Good-will theory

All my blog posts in recent times have been written in a hurry. That kind of explains why none of them have exceeded all but a few lines. A lot of things have kept me preoccupied of late. And am I glad that it’s all over now! A few days more to go home and I am excited like never before. This has been one hell of a semester otherwise but nothing can ever beat the “being home” feeling. Just 10 more days. :)

Looking back, in the past few months, things have turned out the way I would want them to be. I have come to believe it has something to do with the goodwill theory. As my mum used to say, your chances depends on people’s goodwill. That decides whether you cross the border between fate and luck. Fate takes you forward, but to a certain level. To cross and wander into that fort called luck, you need goodwill. 

Till now, I always stood on the border. I would barely cross it when I would trip and fall back. This time it was different. It had to be. I have people around me who wish for my good. Besides my ever-supporting family, I have friends. True ones. I have strangers who wish me luck and mean it. I have what-I-call positive vibrations. A positive energy strong enough to endure the negative vibes of the few others.

My mum’s theory, thus, proved. :)

Monday, February 21, 2011

That was not meant to be…

[A post for Three Word Wednesday after long!]

Dear Mr.

I tossed and turned in my bed last night. I blinked, hoping the image that had captured my imagination would disappear. I vividly remembered. This day, five years ago, we had promised each other to walk the journey of life together. That was not to be.

I’ve always been rebellious and stubborn. Unlike you, I’ve never been kind. A people’s person. We’ve had fights over a lot of things. Each that brought us closer. I thought we’d get over our fights always. That was not to be.

I know it had been a year since we last spoke yet you still managed to have that effect on me. My world came crashing down the day you called to say “I love her”. That occasion. Till then I had the shimmer of hope. That was not to be.

My love for you may not have been immense. I may not have done anything extraordinary. Neither I was perfect nor you, but my love for you was certainly true enough to be able to forgive you.

With all the love that was not meant to be,
Miss.

Written for Three Word Wednesday; 3ww: blink, kind, occasion

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Want

It isn’t always about what is practical

Sometimes it’s more about what I want, what I dare to have

That’s the essence of what keeps me going!


Written for Three Word Wednesday; 3ww: dare, essence, practical

Self-obsession

I have found mention on many-a-blog in recent times. Yayyyyy!! :D :P

A Confession

I will make a confession today. I have been blogging for some time now. But being read by my family and friends, where my identity is revealed makes me a little conscious. I am scared of being judged. A wee bit unsure before every post I publish. Sceptical. So a few weeks back, I had started a new blog – www.thistimeitisforme.wordpress.com, where I was a just a stranger in this virtual world, penning down my personal diary, sharing all that I go through. The varied emotions I experience, how I deal with it and all that follows. So long that I’ve blogged, it’s been for someone or the other, at some level. This time it was just for me.  I didn’t intend to think twice before putting up a post. No one could see me. I could. It was a feeling, nothing short of awesomeness.

Unfamiliar with the ways of Wordpress, however, my settings weren’t secure enough and Mr. C stumbled upon my blog. I was surprised to see him added as a subscriber but I am so glad that it was him and no one else. He, being a regular user of Wordpress, knew the site better and advised me how I was shown as a visitor on all the blogs that I visited. Hence, I have now deleted that blog and decided to post all that I want HERE.

I do not care what people think. I agree it’s a little uncomfortable at times. But then, I tell myself- “I am me when I write. I have to accept myself as I am. Before people around me do.”

Monday, February 14, 2011

Speechless.

R1 : Where is Lucknow?
R2 : It is the capital of UP.
R1 : Yeah?
R2 (to me) : How ignorant can a law student be?
ME (thinks) : How ignorant an Indian can one be!

What made my day

1. "Stronger sides have weaker lawyers, weaker sides have stronger lawyers. It was proved again today."
- PK, J 
2. "Counsel, I commend your advocacy skills."
- SHAR, J and then, again by RRA, J 
3. "When I was in practice, I heard people argue like this. But since the time I have joined the academic profession, I have never heard such brilliant arguments."
-  Ms. A
The best compliments received in a long time. Made my day. Flattered I am :D 

Friday, February 11, 2011

Photos of the day


  
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The Day So Far

1. Wake up call by Vineet: "I am your escort. Would you like to have breakfast?"
2. Once I fall back to sleep again, Devansh calling: "I am your escort. Would your team-mates like to have breakfast?"
3. Finally the real escort arrives, the sixth and the final one hopefully, Arunima: "Youuuu all are my super seniorsssss! I will sit down now. I am tired." Sweet one.
4. Breakfast at CCD. An unexpected "secret" drink arrives at our table. We know who sent it anyway!
5. Registration. Parted with our baby, named Memo.
6. We finally meet lanky Vineet. Over excited hello by the fellow.
7. Lunch. Better. Rajma-Chawal.
8. On way to inaugration ceremony. Pyaar deewana hota hain, mastana hota hain greets us on the stairs. The CCD fellow and our so-many escorts sing.
9. Mr. Ram Jethmalani. Believe You Me.
10. Vineet calling: "I have come out for sometime. Should I get something from the city?"

What a stay this is turning out to be! 

Another day

For the first time in months, I have been rendered speechless. I wanted to avoid any conversation. Any. The fifth escort just called (!) :o

Goodmorning people :D

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Journey ends - 5.

When the engine finally arrived :)
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The ending of a new beginning. One ends, another starts
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Oh! and as I promised I did manage to get a pic of Mr. Army man before we got down. A journey. Of good company. Conversation. Tales. Amusement. Photos. Laugh. Knowledge. Food :D
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My expression when I saw the escorts. :o Three guys, a Qualis with a blue light (!), louuuddddd music blaring, tinted glasses, rash driving, sudden stop at a restaurant, “madam photo lengi”  … I’m happy to be alive and blogging again!!
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How can I miss the pic ‘they’ clicked after borrowing my camera. Wtf.
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Now in the land of…… ;)
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Will be back soon! Good Night.

The Journey – 4.

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Engine failed. So we are stuck here and what better way to while away the time? =P

The Journey – 3.

Another day in the train!
P2100192 When the sun rises outsideP2100017.




We wake up inside.  P2100008P2100015
and the entertainment show begins! Finally, a pic of all the three occupants of Berth A1 (38, 39, 40), II AC together :D
Followed by a little work or atleast the effort :P

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Till lunch arrives. Bon Appetit people :D

The Journey – 2.

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I’ll see if I can get a pic of the uncle next to us. He has amazing stories to tell. I know quite a lot about him already, including how he got married ;). Affirms my belief of being a good conversationalist. I shall continue :)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Glad to know you

Some people leave an imprint on your mind forever. I met two today. This post should have been up long time back. That Sunday at Barista. But I am glad it wasn't up then. So I can put it up now. Just before leaving. Thank you, CSD and SDS for all the help. Throughout. Without you both, we wouldn't be going tomorrow in one piece! You'll are just amazing. Not just good friends, good mentors too :)

Luck-NOW. Better be. I really need it!

Keep walking ;)


Do or Die.

I am a last-minute person. I cannot work till the moment arrives. No matter how hard I try. "Do or Die" situations bring out the best in me. 3 days to go till the 11th of February. Some time still left! I shall overcome. :D

Monday, February 7, 2011

I.

To me, I am what I think I am.

To you, I am what you think I am.

I remain the same, just the perception changes!

Dear “You”

Over the past few months, we have built a relationship, if I may so say.  Of a strange kind. A little weird. One without a name. You understand me without words being spoken. You know me; sometimes much more than the people around me do. My moods. My feelings. My views. You make me comfortable. I can express myself without being conscious. Not afraid that you’d judge me. I share with you all that I can never do with anyone else. Each word you say makes me happy in a really weird way.  You are the reason why I write.

This is for you, “all”. Each one of you. Thanks for reading my blog :)

Yours truly!

Promise

Today was the second time this year that I have been reminded by a friend that I haven’t blogged for a long time now. Apparently it leaves readers disappointed. I do not like being the reason. So I shall. more often. That’s a promise :)

As I sit down to write, there isn’t anything specific on my mind. To start off, I’d love to congratulate my friend, a new-found one (I definitely wish we had met earlier!) Mr. “Lion” Saksena for his victory. Yes! every day shall now be a party day. So many plans. All before this month ends! Another promise.

Promise. I just made a promise. Not one, but two. But aren’t promises meant to be broken? Haven’t we all at some point heard people say so? Many a time. Surprisingly today, this stirs a thought in me. I spoke to my mum some time back. A very normal conversation to start; on the events of the day, my routine…… and then, she very casually told me that I needed to open myself towards that feeling called love. I was taken aback. At the odd turn the conversation had taken all of a sudden.

I am self-centred. I agree. So do the people around. But my mom believes that it’s because I am bitter about my life. Not exactly true. Not what I’d like to believe. I am happy. I am sure. Honestly, I may not be a firm believer in love but neither am I a non-believer. I have seen happy couples. I know it is not just a fairy-tale. It exists. You just need to be lucky. Just as my mum said, “Love exists. Between me and papa.” Yes mamma, it does. It makes me feel so proud. All of it. “Your parents are the most romantic couple. We idolise them.” I have never been happier.

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Promises are not always broken. When broken, it hurts. Love is a promise. You both have shown me how. Yes Ma. As always, you are right. I will keep my promises. All of them. I have learnt it from the two of you.


With all the love that I can never express in words :)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I am not the ONLY one

Most of the time, I read blogs written by people I don’t know. Many of these posts make me wonder if someone is spying on my life. It is but a ditto copy paste of my story, my thoughts, my sentiments.

Reading blogs of people with similar lives makes you feel better. You just realise you are not the only one! A comforting thought that is!
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It is ME that I am searching for

A few lines I read somewhere...I found them beautiful. Let me know if you do too :)

I am a lonely path of broken dreams,
It is heaven that I am searching for.

All these stars seems dull to me,
It is the moon that I am searching for.

Happiness is so angry at me,
It is joy that I am searching for.

There is a crowd around me at all times,
It is a soul that I am searching for.

My life is like an endless road,
It is a destination that I am searching for.

Don't know what is it that I've lost,
Maybe it is me that I am searching for!

My idea of LIFE

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…Colourful and bright!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Memo

Memo submissions finally done :) What a sigh of relief! Thank you CSD, Lion Saksena and Arjun. Without you all, I really don’t know what we would have done.

I didn’t turn up for my date with Mr. Sleep three times in the past three days. Looks like he is pissed. He seems to have ditched me now. Let me see if I can pacify him and convince him to come back to me again. ;)

Till then,
Much love!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Grey to Pink

Colours mean happiness and joy. Have you noticed that my blog templates have changed from shades of grey to these bright ones? Orange and now, pink. It all reflects my mood. I am loving my life. Happy. Cheerful. I am at peace. With myself, and the world around. All seems to be set in place. This is how I want my life to be!

Blogs!

I read a lot of blogs. A lot of time. Sometimes my search lands me up on blogs unknown. I read. Personal diaries of them it seems! I sense a lot of familiarity in certain cases. I did today. Maybe it is just my quest to know a person. A little more. Most times, it does help. And it did. I see you in a different light all over again.

I don’t like believing I am judgmental. People around do. After today, I am inclined to bend towards the latter. All this because I chanced upon a friend’s blog. I never expected it to be what it was.

Friends don’t disclose secrets. I promise to keep yours. :) I really loved your blog. Continue writing. You’ll always feel lighter!

Monday, January 24, 2011

The first time our eyes met

Strangers in a crowd we stood
For familiar faces, we looked
Our eyes swept through the room
Amidst all the flowers bloom
T’was the first time
I saw you and you saw me
It seemed like it was just meant to be
The foolish grin, the twisted smile
The distance between seemed a mile
We moved through the crowd, our eyes constant
Afraid of losing sight of the other in any instant
“Hi! My name is Bill”
Time, for me, then stood still
Your voice, your eyes, what brought be along
Made me feel this is where I truly belong
We chatted, we talked, till it was four
This conscious, I have never been before
I waited long for your call
When it finally came, I was almost about to fall
This was definitely the best bargain-
“So when shall we meet again?”
Nodding, I smiled sheepishly at the above
Now I am waiting for it to blossom into love…

If you want more love, just ask for it

My facebook status currently reads : “If you want more love, just ask for it.” My friends disagree. They say, it’s either voluntarily given to you or it’s not. If you love someone, why not try and give so much love that he/she does not need to ask for more! They thus agree to disagree with me.

Importance of communication, is all that I am trying to point out. Haven’t we all seen relationships break because of lack of communication? Sometimes, never begin at all? I have heard so many of my friends complain about what they really expect from their special ones. How they fail to understand them. In light of all, is asking for love really that wrong? Isn’t it more like communicating your want, your need? At the least, it won’t keep you wondering.

Just a thought!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

You.

Sometimes you want to say a lot and then words just fail you. It happens to me often. This was another of such instances. I was sitting in my Law of Torts class when this urge to write a poem came over me but the sad part is, this is all I managed to write. Class got over and I had to stop and after that one class, every time I’ve tried to write I did not succeed. Maybe the poem was one of those which was never meant to be complete. Just like you and me...

Words no longer come easy to me,
Clueless whether to let go or to let it be.
Thick as thieves we used to be once,
Till, too far, you decided to bounce.
Promised to myself I’d let you leave;
Through my feelings, I tried to deceive.
Those words at the time we had to part,
Time and again echoes in my heart.
...................................................
.........................................

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Realisation

I heard my mom tell me as I grow up. Life teaches. Life has. I have learnt a lot. Some good experiences. Others a little bad. As I posted earlier, in the whole journey I have changed from what I used to be to what I am.

Today was another day of realisation. A simple conversation to start. We were just discussing birthdays. Realisation one. I couldn’t remember dates. Then, the topic changed. *Current topic* Phone numbers. I am ashamed but it again dawned on me that I neither know my dad’s number nor my brother’s. Forget that, I do not remember anybody’s number taken post 2009. *A little later* My roommate talks about something which she had apparently already told me earlier. I do not remember it yet again. All of this and more in an hour.

It made me think. Introspect. Why? I am, rather was a person who wished everybody on their birthdays without fail, no matter how close or distant he or she was. I took pride in knowing everybody’s phone number by heart. I would remember the slightest of things. This was not me. As I was before.

I had changed. A great deal at that. Good or bad? I still don’t know. I have become indifferent. I have stopped getting involved. It doesn’t matter to me any longer what people say or do. It hurts sometimes. But then I forget about it.

It all started with my attempt to be strong. To forget people’s misdeeds. To not read too much into situations. I wanted to have an independent existence. In my quest today I have reached a stage where I have achieved it all. What I had set for myself. I am happy. But incidents like today make me ponder if I am in the right direction. I am questioning this now. But soon I shall forget about it. Like I have earlier.

Yours truly!

Making Space

Someone just asked me, "Do you still believe in love?” And I answered without missing a beat, “Yes I do”. The question keeps popping up all the time. Why is it assumed that someone who has had a break-up has to be a non-believer?

I have had a rather unhappy love story, having loved a guy for a better part of college life, which ultimately ended in total chaos,misery and tears. I went through my share of crying and moping and questioning “why me?” Getting over him wasn’t something that happened in a day. It was a slow healing process, during the course of which I learnt many things,most of them about myself. Sometimes I almost gave up, but now I think it was all worth the effort.

He and I had a love story straight out of fairytale books. I have always been a free spirit, wild and rebellious,while he was a quiet kind of guy who kept to himself. In the beginning it was this that attracted us to each other,but over time it became the source of frequent fights. Soon it was apparent I was holding onto someone who was not who I thought he was. The day he said he wanted to break up with me and never see me again, I was shattered. I had somehow assumed that we would get over the fights always.

After we broke up, I went through days of hating him,hating life,wishing I could just disappear from the face of this earth and not face the ordeal of rejection. And then it struck me that even hating him meant that he existed in my mind and in my heart. I had to do away with that first.

It wasn’t easy. I had terrible mood swings- one day I hated him so much that I never wanted to see him again, on other days I was on an unnatural high,laughing and joking with friends as if nothing had happened. Like a cancer patient , I had my good days and bad days. And then came the learning that did away with my bad days completely.

To be honest, even after he had decided to call it off, I tried to talk to him, insisted that we would work things out. Every new rejection brought fresh pain. Finally the day arrived when I realised that I had done all I could, that there was no more I could try.

I teach little children on weekends,and it is from them that I learnt one of the biggest lessons of my life. Kids have a simple view of life,making us adults seem silly,unnecessarily cluttering life with things that we should really move on from. One day, one of the children saw that I was a little sad and asked me what was wrong. I answered saying that my best friend had moved away. He came over , gave me a hug and told me I could have his.

I knew to have a new best friend, I had to vaccuum out the dust and make way for him. I turned towards blogging. I wrote about my experiences and many came forward sharing their own. We became support systems for each other,because we knew what the other person was going through. I found some of my closest friends online. My real life friends were just as fantastic,calling me up often,hugging me out of the blue and making sure I was doing well.

And with those realisations my spring cleaning began. I put away his memories in a box, literally. All the old cards and pictures were wrapped up and put in the attic. Old messages were deleted from the phone,and songs about heart break were gone from the phone. One of the silliest things, but one that I am most proud of,was sticking up a tiny yellow post-it,on which I wrote a quote I had read long ago, “tough times dont last, tough people do”. I put it on my desk, where, long ago, a framed picture of me and my boyfriend used to be. Everyday I read the note, a little part of me healed itself. I knew I was going to be okay.

And do I still believe in love? Yes, very much so. I believe someday someone will happen to come along, of course he will not be perfect, neither am I - but he will be perfect for me and I for him.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Pot-pourri of my thoughts

Yesterday my friend told me that I hadn’t written for long. No posts at all this year, apparently. A simple passing remark for her, maybe but it made me think. People notice. It’s always a nice feeling when you know there’s somebody reading what you write. Criticism for me is a form of appreciation. I got my pen and paper and decided I had to write. I was running out of ideas. Nothing much happening in my life. No great new year resolutions either. So chewing my pen, deciding what to write. I sat. A thought would appear but before I could shape it into words, it would simply disappear. I was struggling to write. A writer’s block, as I’d love to call it. I sat till 0230 hours in search of some imagination. Some topic. Some feeling. Anything that could get me to write. I sat online and I ended up facebook’ing. Finally sleeping over my laptop and books.

Today is a Sunday. Sundays, for me, are always special. I go to a Remand Home to teach English to the kids there. It’s been three years now. But everyday is a new day.It always feels like a fresh rejuvenating start. The energy the kids have, their affection, their unconditional love. There have been days when the worst of days have been changed into the best days by them. Their smiles. You always mean a world to them. It’s nice to be special in someone’s lives. And i am one in theirs. They in mine.

My kids, as I am proud to call them, asked me the meaning of the word change in class today. A simple word, I explained. A caterpillar changes into the butterfly. They understood. The literal meaning. Change, in life, has a deeper meaning. I thought to myself .

Change is the only thing constant in your life. I heard people say. First, when I had to change schools in my ninth grade, then again in my tenth and once more after my twelfth when I had to come to this city miles away from home leaving family and friends behind.I always wondered if change was that essential. If yes, why so? I failed to comprehend it all myself. I took it as a part of life and never questioned. In fact, I don’t question too much. Not in class. Not outside. I am not rebellious. I take whatever comes my way. (Don’t take my non-questioning behaviour as my timidity or you are in to commit a mistake!)

A few years in this city all by myself and I have realised what people around me could not explain. Rather what I could not understand. Change is essential. It is good. Happens with time. For a reason. Like today I changed my blog template. It’s not that I didn’t like the old one. But to infuse freshness. To avoid it from becoming stale. That was the reason. It happened with time. I like the new one now.

From dusk to dawn, the sun changes its colours. Seasons change. Within a span of years, the skyline of your city changes. (Mine has!) People around you change. sometimes you change in return too. Change is all around. The newest thing I’ve heard is the change in the Zodiac signs. I grew up believing I am a Taurean. A true one. Stubborn. Obstinate. Today I hear I am an Aries. Maybe I will accept that too. Change my Sunsign.

As I enter the new year 2011, I am sure for a fact, I am not the same person I was in 2010. I had made some decisions then to change. Changed? I have. This is a new me. In a new year. To discover new things. I hated change so long. I’ve started loving it now.

PS. 1: I hope you have all put in a lot of changes in your new year resolutions!
PS. 2: This is for all of you who were waiting for my new post. You guys keep me blogging! Thanks a ton.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Everytime I try

[There are days when you feel like writing. Something. Just about anything. But you still fall short of words. Thank you 3ww for those lovely prompts as always:) ]


Every time I try to tell myself,
Make a vain attempt at convincing myself
That I need to move on
And you're so long gone.
When I want to be rude to you,
To make sure you get your due
For having been so mean
And making me feel so lean;
You come up with another reason so filthy
Yet it makes me feel that you're guilty;
And I remember all the good that you have done,
Such that I evade another line of pun.
My heart melts,
I remove my tight buckled belts
And come back to you
To be your friend, to guide you
'Cause I feel
The wounds you have given, I can still heal
But the sacrifices you made
From my heart can never fade...
As cold as a wedge, I wonder how long this will continue
And if the good old you will ever renew!

Written for Three Word Wednesday; 3ww: buckle, evade, wedge and #112 Monday Poetry Train Revisited

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Year That Was -- 2010

What a year it has been! It started off on a happy note. And 5 days to go. It's still continuing. After a not-so-happy 2009, it was indeed a refreshingly welcome one. The one important lesson I learnt this year: You have to learn to find happiness within you. Only that form of happiness is permanent. All others are transitory. It will come, it will go.

Having learnt that, this has been one hell of a year. The year began with an awesome win at Aurangabad where all the hard work paid off. I had the two coolest moot partners in Shruti and Apoorva. And for Preeti's help with the preparations, just a thank you would never be sufficient. February saw me home for my cousin's wedding and as is always the story, a grand family reunion: three generations of the family getting together is never short of awesomeness. This was no different! March was MAD with Bangalore as I attended the Make a Difference National Conference, where I met the MADdies from all over and new friendship bonds were forged. April brought with it my 21st birthday and one of the best so far. Here's a peek! Internship time knocked the doors in May and it took me to Bombay and a month long stay at Rhea's. That insane night, courtesy, Rhea, Gauri, Hansika, Alvir, ... happened and will remain one of the best in memory! Work too couldn't have been more fun, thanks to my super-cool co-interns! June was summer time with school friends and a reunion planned. Meeting most of them after 6 years and I realised how time had passed. July to September rushed and before it even dawned on me, a Semester was over. October saw me home and November was one crazy month in Delhi. Two weeks in Pune this December and I am home for Christmas and New Years after two years in college and away. And as I am writing this, my friend just called to say that me she's planning another reunion on the 31st.

This is what I call an eventful year. Adieu 2010. Happy New Year, folks! :D

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Irony



I am sure all of you have heard this. It's certainly not my original. But it's also something I couldn't stop thinking about after I came across it ...

"Finish and Complete are synonyms. Used in place of one another. However, while the right man will complete you, a wrong man may finish you!"


Ironical, how true it is?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The letter

“Dear X,
Here, I sit down under the moonlight, knowing that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to forget you. It reminds me of the times when we would sit together and capture the essence of beauty at nightfall. Those arms of safety. Those eyes that never judged me. I miss. I smile silently to myself thinking of the time that has passed.”



Suddenly I heard a baby wail. I came back to where I was. I stopped writing. My six month old grand daughter had woken up. I needed to go. I kept to complete the letter for another day…
Written for Three Word Wednesday, 3ww: judge, nightfall, safety and Room for Romance#9

Friday, December 10, 2010

What I learnt today

I am impulsive. I have always been. I act without thought. Careful thought. That explains why I have stilettos' of the same kind in exactly the same colour maybe with a little difference in their heels, jeans of the same shade of the same brand of the same fit simultaneously bought with a difference so slight no one would ever notice, slippers which I bought together at one go and which I never wore, t-shirts of exactly the same kind in three different colours, not to forget the things I picked up from here and there which did not even find its way to my cupboard and oh! yes, this list could just go on. Endless. Ask my mum to start a lecture on how impulsive I am and if you knew her even a little, you’d wonder if you have ever seen her talk so much. That was on a lighter side. Looking back, acting impulsive always has definitely not been the best. There are many things which I would have loved to end or turn out a little differently! But that’s how it is. You learn. There have been these small instances where my impulsive-ness was tested but then my “That’s how I am!” attitude didn’t help me either. Starting my blog was impulsive, but then it taught me a big lesson. Today I will tell you how.

Sometimes I have so much to write. Sometimes so little. I wondered why. To write isn’t difficult. I thought. Then I rephrased. To think and write is difficult. When I write, I read it again, And again. Before publishing, I try to ensure that I am making sense. That I am not hurting anybody. I control my impulsive-ness. I pay attention to what I am jotting down. I know my words can have far-reaching consequences. So I reflect. It helps. I feel good at the end of it. Life events prompt me to write and in this space of mine, I look back and I see the other person’s perspective. A view that had eluded me all the while. This task is not so easy. But with time, I have realized there is always a second side to the story. Today I weigh pros and cons. I think before I act. I think twice before buying. Recently, I bought a dress. I bought it after I couldn’t get it off my mind a week after seeing it. That is just a small picture. On the larger front, I have stopped being judgmental. I no longer jump to conclusions. Like I always did.

Everybody deserves a chance!