If You Can, Please

MAD looking to expand in the following cities - Lucknow, Bhopal, Ahmedabad, Jaipur, Baroda. Know anyone who can drive the initiative in these cities? Ask them to register their interest on - http://makeadiff.in/exp

6.Expansion - HQ

sites.google.com

Detailed tutorials on every activity you are expected to do in MAD

:|

When all my friends are partying at Hard Rock, I am reading up on the Law of Contracts! Double Drat.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Like every other person, I have my good side and my bad side. It's always easier to be the former. Takes less effort. Comes naturally. For I do not want to be judged.

If you've seen only the pleasant carefree side to me, you know a part of me. You're just another in my world.

I can be a very difficult person at times. If you've seen this "other" side to me, it means that you know the complete me. You're not just any other. I am comfortable being myself with you. Sharing all that I have. Not that I take you for granted, but I'd want to. To believe that you'll always be there for me. Come what may. No matter what. I will still as much be scared of losing you.

Que

Que especial "usted" he estado hablando es de nadie sino usted, Shobhit, mi amor, mi vida. Sí, eres el que ha estado en mi mente todo el tiempo! En un foro público este, lo confieso, Te amo con todo mi corazón.

Través tus de palabras y acciones, ustedo me haces sentir como la más bella señorita. Usted me da mucho más de yo se merece. Usted me echar a perder con el "mejor".

He aquí una respuesta a su dedicación dulce. Me refiero a cada palabra que digo!

Yo soy sólo una chica de al lado, pero me siento especial cuando me miro a mí a través de tus ojos
He estado por ahí, sólo que yo no tenga la suerte de que encontrar de usted
Incluso he estado buscando a en todas partes
Y estoy muy contento de que por fin he encontrado
Ahora, usted define mi vida
I se nunca mirar hacia otro lado
Yo siempre estaré a tu lado
Siempre y para siempre

:) :*

Ingenuity?

After Google "Plus", now it is Yahoo "Pulse". Playing with the alphabets, people? Some more originality would have been appreciated in this Social-Networking craze!

Pleasure-Pain theory

Just as I rejoiced the accomplishment of one task. The next one is staring down at me. Grinning. 

"YOU"

Very soon, I shall introduce you to this person called "you" who wriggles his way through to all my posts in recent times. Very obvious it is for anyone who knows me even a wee bit to guess the "you" but looks like that person himself doubts. So it shall be. An embarassing post on you soon! *piercing eyes* :P

Focus

Raghavendra Phadnis Moot Court Competition 2011 tomorrow. Another year. Another time. When the plans for this academic session shall be carved. Important one, thus. I may begin work NOW.

"In love", Again!

It has been raining here in Pune. Non-stop. To the extent that I was beginning to hate what I would have otherwise enjoyed and loved. Courtesy, my dirty feet. And my broken umbrella. It ain't a nice feeling to be completely drenched, water dripping from your forehead. Your washed hair untidy and out of place. To it all, add a cold too! I was sick and tired of the rain. Almost, more like. Just then, I decided to venture out. Rewind. Day before. A lonely long walk in the rain by myself. My net's not been working for the past couple of days, which kind of also explains the lull in my blogging phase. So a trip to the Tata Photon office was the need of the hour. Not very successful - my net's still down, I was returning when I had this strong craving for some ice-cream. And so it was. 

A walk in the rain with an ice-cream in hand, ears plugged, oblivious of all around. I felt the raindrops hitting my face.  I was the only one in my world. When I thought of anyone I would have wanted with me right then, 'twas "only" you who crossed my mind :) A pretty season this. In love, all over again!

Rant

I don't get angry often. I am one of those patient kinds. I can keep things to myself. Keep within. Bear it all alone. I always try to reason it out. See the other side to the story. If you have a problem, come and confront. I'd appreciate. Keep it to yourself. I wouldn't really know what to do. Not that I don't care. Bad mouth me. I'll ignore. But there is always a saturation point. I have mine too. Once I reach that point, I'd like to be indifferent.  I try it all the time. More often than not I fail. I did again today. That's one thing on my list I'd like to master. Either maintain relations or do not at all. There is nothing "in-between". For me, that was an alien concept. I hope I  understand.

Serene was my la-la-land where Calculations only existed in the world of Mathematics. Not when it came to human relationships and bonds. Looks like the real world is hitting me like a ton of bricks at the moment!

I Heart You

Harry. You have been there right from the start and I will love you till the end of time. There is no end. Nothing is over. I only love you more. And more.

I say this with pride...

"This is the Remand Home where I teach." 

I just came across this article in the Newspaper today. And it makes me happy in ways more than one. :)

There has been the mention of this organisation I have been associated with for the past three years. Where we all go out to teach. To encourage. To motivate. To guide. To make a difference. And when you see your efforts pay off, there can be no greater joy.

You have to read it to understand my sentiments.

From You to Me

Really? Read it to believe it :)

about an hour ago

Pratyasha Rana Patgiri

• Reminds me of u
  A lady lawyer decided to give herself a big treat for her birthday by staying overnight in one of London's most expensive hotels.
  
  When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.
  
  She explode and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."
  
  The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate' so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.
  
  The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: "the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."
  'But I didn't use them," she said.
  ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
  
  He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.
  
  "But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
  "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
  
  No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"
  
  The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to the Manager.
  
  The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this cheque is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
  
  "But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
  
  "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."=)).... U won't win against a lawyer. And u definitely won't win against a woman! =))

Time Management

I am leading an action packed life at the moment. From college to classes to chilling at the new flat to some "self-time" at the hostel, the day passes in the blink of an eye. At the end of it, I am left wondering how the day went by. There have been many items in my list of "to-do's" which have been put off for later. Day after day. It is both overwhelming and frustrating. The trip to visit P in Bombay did not happen again. Doesn't look like my plan of going to the gym is working out either. M has left Poona for good and I could not see her before she left. I haven't spoken to my cousins and friends for a while now. High time, really. And the greatest of my concerns, I am having to do with 6 hours of sleep. Only. :P

So Basically. The schedule I had chalked out for myself has gone haywire. I think I can do with some tips on time-management!

Experience Is

... the name we give to our mistakes!

The Perfect Moment

I looked at the rain and thought of you

I sneaked away from the world and dreamt about you

I wondered if you thought about me

Remembered me, wished for my presence

Hoped to have me the way I want you

Just then you called

To say you missed me too ♥

...And So You're My Google :)

I do not know what I would have done in my life without Google. Every time I've needed it, it has always been there. With answers to ALL my questions. How much I love it!

What You Mean To Me

Until I met you,
I never had feelings so true;
You were like a light in the dark
And in my heart, you've already left a mark!
Whenever I am angry or I am sad,
You make me laugh by doing something mad.

You listen to me,
You let me be,
The way I am...
To what others say I really don't give a damn
You are all that matters
After all you're the one who stood by me when my world was in tatters...

What you mean to me
Is more than just what the world can see...
When you're not there
My life seems so bare
With none to share
The stuff that I really care...

No one to lend a patient ear
And shoo away all my fear;
Somehow you make me feel better
In a way nobody else can ever :)

-Raya
03/04/2009, Friday, 2222hrs

Especially for You

[I just came across this one from long back. So much has changed in a little more than two years. But I'm glad our friendship remains unaffected :) ]

Whenever I needed you,

I found you there so true;

You listened to every word of mine

And always said that I'd be fine.

The word of assurance that you gave 

Made me feel like a fairy's wand wave!

Our friendship is so new,

Just like the morning dew...

The freshness that it brings

Makes my heart sing

That alas! I found a friend so true

Whom I promise I will never sue! ;)

Just know that I'll always be there to take care of you

With a heart full of love and feelings so true...

-Raya

23/03/2009, Thursday, 2258 hrs

MAD in the news

Lessons at the Coke Factory - Indian Express

Birds

I sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I shit on?”

Misses!

The smell of a person is their sweetest memory. Today I was walking on the street. I was reminded of you. :)

An Exercise

I am in a pretty fucked up mood. Pretty restless. My mind is racing. It's been like this for a while now. I do not really know what the problem is. Really. So right now I am doing a task. One to vent out all that I have to. So my laptop screen is covered. Yet I am typing in all that I want. There is no check. I am not re-reading my thoughts. I do not have to hide. I cannot, rather. Whatever is in is out. I feel lighter. I am not making much sense, but this marks a phase as well. I shall remember. Later.

I am me. This is my world. I enjoy being at peace. I shall do all that I want. I love to pamper myself. I will. I deserve. Or so I'd like to believe. I do not like my bubble being burst. I like people minding their own business. Sometimes I do not say anything. That does not mean I have nothing to say. I do not like answering questions. If you're worthy to know about it, I shall tell you on my own. You wouldn't have to ask. I like being left alone. And right now, I'd genuinely appreciate that!

PS. As an afterthought, this ain't that easy.

I Care Not

I think I like the "Self" in Selfish. Period.

Relationships

In life, we come alone. We leave alone. And at times, we wish we could live alone. Life is but a mosaic of different relationships and different people. To live, we need some relation or the other. A relationship, named or unnamed. Each relationship and person adds a unique color to life and gives it a new meaning and dimension. 

To make life complex, there are these ugly-beautiful relationships which one cannot end but cannot continue with either. Sometimes these imperfect relationships and conflicts, complexities and unpredictability of people, make life beautiful. 

...pages of life!

I absolutely love the smell of fresh pages of a new book :)

Reminder

I leave for Pune tomorrow. College. Another Semester. Another Year.  Packing almost done. I am scared I'll be grossly overweight this time. I am talking about my luggage here though. I have put on a lot of weight too. From chubby to chubbier. Yet I am still to fall in that "overweight" category. Or so I'd like to believe. No matter what some people say. In the past two days, I have met two classmates/seniors from high school, who from being twice my size have turned half. Since then, I have been in misery. Pain. Anguish. Depressed. In distress. After I reach Pune, this post shall be a glaring reminder for me. To eat. The right kind of food. In the right quantity. Hopefully, the next time I am home, I shall be in proper shape. I promise not to binge eat. To myself.

This is where I come from :)

Between the southern bank of the Brahmaputra river and the foothills of the Shillong plateau - Guwahati

A way out

The best way to make peace is to talk it out. With yourself.

Up in the air

My love for long flights. After the last one, this time it is Guwahati-Calcutta-Chennai-Pune :p

Lost!

I came back from a vacation to find my laptop formatted. Hence all data lost. The photographs, the documents, the notes saved and collected over time gone. If that wasn't enough, yesterday I formatted my phone and lost all contacts. The pictures. Very disappointed I am. Makes me hate technology, where a single click can delete everything. What power bestowed! If the human mind was half as strong. But then again, at times like these, it is the memory that comes to the rescue. Paradox.

And then again

I have been craving to blog. Been away too long! Though I really want to post now, I have to go out for a birthday party. Remember the birthday parties we used to go to while we were in school? As kids? The balloons and the caps? Those awesome games? Dark room and blindfolds? I just did.

That might have changed over the years but when you're out with school friends, the excitement is still the same. There is always so much. :)

In search for an answer

One question that occurs to me. Now and then. One that I love to brush aside. It struck me again a few days back.

Having seen where our moves land us, if life had a rewind button, would I do certain things differently?

Do you have an answer? 'Coz I have none.

To a T-Hail-Land

Just back from a holiday with friends. It was fantastic to say the least. Oodles of fun. Like the title goes, it was to the T - just perfect. Hailed to the land of smiles, we were not disappointed in any way. For starters, I'll leave you with this pic of us :D

Actually, the only one I had of the five of us :p

And, the one who clicked the pic. The one who was always there. Thank you for showing us around Bangkok the way you did. It wouldn't have been the same without you :)

Our Story

Like the whispering winds sway the trees

The breeze gently sweeps across my face

I see you smiling, standing

I think I have found at last

What I was looking for

Till old thoughts come flooding back

Of how I had broken into pieces

But you turn it all around

You, a stranger come to pass

The dark sky brightens 

Turns a brilliant blue

And this is nothing like I felt before 

There is a calm within, different

A feeling this love will forever last

And this moment will forever be

This is just how our story begins

Life awaits :)

Hangover 3 ?

Six months ago, five friends decided to go on a vacation. Sitting at the college grounds the idea was born. Contemplated. Calculated. Decided. To Bangkok it would be.

Six months later, the day arrives. Tomorrow, the journey begins. More on it when I am back.

Till then,
Miss Me 

Crayon : paint my life!

On certain days, you feel like writing. Little. More. Most. Of everything. Without trying to be so discrete. It does not matter who reads it and who does not. Who will judge you and who will not. This post has been pending for a long time now. But for certain reasons I kept postponing it for later. Maybe because the person is an important one in context. Hoping someday I would gather enough "indifference" to help me go ahead with it. I guess that time has come. 

Here's a person who is one of his kind. Who entered my life like a whiff of fresh air. Who changed me from who I was to who I am. Who taught me that I could share what was mine with others too. And it ain't that difficult, after all. Maybe because that "other" was you. So this someone I met, is probably the most straightforward and frank person, in a long long while. Our meeting maybe wasn't sheer coincidence. I'd like to believe it was destined. We clicked instantly. He said one thing, I said another, and another, and another.  The next thing I knew, I absolutely loved the company of this person. He brought forth my tacit thoughts so clear. Our conversations almost always ran into hours. Little by little, I got to know you. I soon realised that you were not the one you portrayed to be. Not the person I believed you to be. You were nicer. The hard from outside, soft from inside kinds. Like a coconut.

You make me happy in a very different way. It is a nice feeling when I wake up every morning and I know that there is someone somewhere with whom I can be me. From my crankiest best to my happiest high. It's funny how I wait for the clock to strike 5.30, then 1, and then 11. Even when I have so many people around me and my days are abuzz with activity, it is surprising how my day is dependent on someone miles away!

PS. This post was scheduled for later. Just to tell you I will miss you a lot in these 8 days. June is not far. See you soon!

Stylish, really?

Going through my Google Reader, I was surprised and happy to be bestowed the 'Stylish Blog Award' by the wonderful Casey of True Colours, one of my favourite blogs! Thanks so much. It feels awesome :D

The rules are simple. To thank and link back to the person who gave you the award. Reveal seven things about yourself. And bestow the award on ten great bloggers you have recently discovered and have come to love.

So here it goes. All about me.

1. I am the biggest foodie ever. It is one thing that makes me happy. Wherever, whenever. I feel hungry. All the time.

Courtesy: http://www.buzzintown.com/ahmedabad/event--special-food-passa-restaurant/ref--event-mostclicked/id--232113.html

2. I am the clumsiest person you would have ever met. I trip over stairs, carpets and yes, sometimes even over myself.

Courtesy : http://mcclurecrew.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-embarrassing-moment.html

3. I love fairy tales, happy endings and bright colors. I want my life to be as colourful as this.

Courtesy : http://cazilu.deviantart.com/art/some-more-colours-wallpaper-135311517

4. I have been hurt in love but I still want it more and more. I love being in love.

Courtesy : http://sexyoutsidesmartinside.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/in-love/

5. I am just too animated in my conversations. With lots and lots of hand gestures, Weird facial expressions and moving eyebrows. Lol!

6. Thailand calling. In three days, with my girlfriends. I am looking forward to all the travelling and shopping. Yayyy!

Courtesy : http://www.bestbangkokdeals.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Bangkok-Main-Page-2.jpg

7. I'm quite the narcissist and it was effing tough to reduce myself to 7!

And now I'm supposed to list the top ten "stylish" blogs I follow. In alphabetical order -

1. Amaranthine

2. Immersion Blog-apy
3. Kelley Maria
4. Life is sweet. Love is real.
5. MINDLOVEMISERY
6. The Blog of Small Things
7. The Make a Difference Blog
8. Two Matthews(ers)
9. Viscous Thoughts
10. What Happens Is

And my heart never fails

‎"It's impossible." said pride. 

"It's risky." said experience. 

"It's pointless." said reason. 

"Give it a try." whispered the heart.

Conversation Excerpts

It's funny how sometimes thinking of something 4 years hence gives so much joy and laughter. Such meticulous planning in detail. I am astounded. But maybe because the person is you, I cannot but grin. It sounds like a dream in this jumble of life. No matter what I say, I want to be a part of it too. That is the naked truth! ;)

Some decisions

A lot of decisions are made. Some, sometimes in a lot of haste. I like going with the flow. I, for one, have not been the kinds who always chalk out a plan of action. Carefully strategize. Life has a lot to offer. I enjoy whatever it does. Many a times your actions have more of an effect on others than it has on you. It won't exactly be correct to call myself a non-thinking person. For I do think. But later. After the moment has passed. After the consequences borne. I think back. Reflect on where I might have gone wrong or what I could have done differently to avoid certain things. Whether I am successful or not in doing so, I take in everything as if it was just meant to happen. For a reason. I love appearing tougher than I really am. And sometimes it's just not easy. 

Bygones

Sometimes it's nicer to let bygones be bygones. Maybe I'll never forgive but I CAN always forget!

Note to Self - It is better to do what I can do, than to crib about something I cannot. Period.

Flights of Fantasy

I’ve met a lot of creative imaginative people. Not being one myself, they have never failed to impress me. Their different take on things. Their off-beaten tracks. Their unrestrained fancies. Amaze me. It is funny how fantasies defy logic. How they bewilder many. Yet the beliefs they continue to stir. Is strange. It makes a sad mind happy. Gives support to a lonely person. It helps avoid the unavoidable. Turn things inside out. Reach that space and time where you “want” to be. Strange to admit but it brings in a different kind of positivity. That much needed break. A respite from the ordinary.

Such be the case, who wouldn’t want those occasional flights of fantasy? I wonder.

This Moment

Raya Hazarika totally loves the "snooping" around! Another Sherlock Holmes on the prowl :)

In love with the Green

Of late, I have faced a stumbling block every time I sat down to write. Maybe it was time to infuse some freshness in my blog. I thought to myself. I am a person who loves change at regular intervals. Of a very mercurial nature.

The colour, Green, signifies a positive change, good health, growth, fertility, healing, hope, vigour, vitality, peace, and serenity. Exactly what describes my life at the moment. *Touchwood* I therefore, decided to apply this “refreshing” new blog template!

Reminds me of Us

Attracts attention

Creates excitement

This gigantic, colourful

Hot air balloons

Open flames ignited 

Surrenders its control

For the light winds to carry it

Over surrounding populace

A calm flight

Towards infinity thus, floats

A sly reminder of us?

[Written for Short Story Slam #1  and Sunday Scribblings #267]

A Lazy Summer

I haven’t posted in my blog for long. A bit too long in fact. Am I facing a writer’s block? Yes, I am. If that wasn’t enough, Blogger was down for the last two days. This post was thus long due.

So Basically. A lazy summer it has been so far. With all the ingredients that go into making it just “perfect”. Right from waking up late to doing absolutely nothing the whole day and enjoying the company of friends afar, it’s kind of “living the dream” that I wished to wake up to during my exams. In addition, the feeling of being home with mum and dad counts for brownie points. While the soaring temperatures keep me indoors during the day, once the sun sets, I am out with friends watching a movie or sitting at some joint sipping a cup of coffee. This shall continue for another two weeks when shall happen the planned trip to Bangkok with friends.

And. Am I enjoying? You may take a wild guess

Silver Jubilee

It’s been a glorious 25 years. I love you mum and dad. Happy Wedding Anniversary.

Absolute-ly

I make it a point to write one post each day. Or atleast I “try” to. But somehow that never happens. Sometimes I am at a loss of words. Putting down feelings on paper is still as difficult a task to me as it was a year back . Sometimes I am just a wee bit lazy. Or at other times I have absolutely nothing to write about. Completely blank. Not unusual for me. And in fact, I am surprised myself just as much as I surprise others of how I seem to enjoy that state of mind. To me. That feeling of emptiness equals calmness. Of being at peace. This is exactly the picture I portray right now at home. There were a number of things planned for these vacations but how many of them are actually being acted upon is a puzzle I am yet to solve. In between such “not-so-action-packed” days, there are certain days which stand out. Just for being different from the rest. Today was one such day. P and I met up. Going through a “turmoil” in her life, she was at her craziest best. But am I glad that I did have a solution to her problems. Later, A joined us too and thus Part 1 had a happy ending. Like I believe, happiness begets happiness. When all looked happy and set, Part 2 began. Coincidentally, we bumped into E.  It just had to happen. After all. How could our meetings be complete without any one of us!

P, E and I had an awesome time YET again. Eight hours of “absolute” us. #epicday

What’s your Blogging Personality?

Your Blogging Type is Confident and Insightful: You've got a ton of brain power, and you leverage it into brilliant blog. Both creative and logical, you come up with amazing ideas and insights. A total perfectionist, you find yourself revising and rewriting posts a lot of the time. You blog for yourself - and you don't care how popular (or unpopular) your blog is!

Courtesy: http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourbloggingpersonalityquiz/

Chest of Treasures

I am home. Pretty useless and idle for the better part of the day. So today I decided to open this small drawer, my “Chest of Treasures”. I have contemplated doing this for long. Finally it was time. My chest of treasures is filled with a lot of stuff from different phases of life. Every time my life was changing paths. In a certain way or the other. From small chits of paper with scribbled messages and caricatures to a leaf dried and yellow, from colourful friendship bands to shirts filled with multi-coloured ink in illegible hand, the little drawer contains it all. Every time I would find it difficult to throw away a thing, that thing would be tossed into this little space of mine. While my mum would still be clamouring about it, the object of such hullabaloo would disappear from sight. To her amazement. And my contentment.

Years have passed and I thought I’d clear up the “mess” today. After all it has been a long time. My mum, too, no longer complains. That weird satisfaction therefore, has been long gone. Little did I know when I first decided that this was soon going to turn into another walk down the memory lane. Meaningless did those things seem to me then. Meaningless maybe they are still today. To another. But no longer to me. On an otherwise sombre day, they bring a smile to my face and give me a reason to cheer as I think of the times gone by. A reminiscence of the yesteryears. Everything is just a memory but memories I will hold in my heart forever.

There are certain things you just cannot let go. Not sooner. Not later. #anotherrealisation

Tech-savvy

I just downloaded the Windows Live Writer 2011 version. Amazing features it has and I am loving the feeling of being so tech-savvy, especially when I am blogging after so long! 

SHE

Her life written of in a page

She was bent with the burden of age

Her movements were nothing but jittery

To the outside world so glittery

A fragile and thin body it seemed

Yet her face with a smile beamed

Reflected a poise, an amazing grace

An odd calmness in her embrace

To my wounds, she put balm

I wish and pray- May her dreams a living joy become

[Written for Three Word Wednesday; 3ww: grace, jitter, thin]

IF

Only if my eye was a camera lens I would have captured so many moments with just a blink! #whatifeel Right now.

Sabre Rattlings

I'll leave it to your imagination. To complete the story. To tell a tale.






...
Does it strike a chord?

Do you think so?

In life, there is no Black and White. Only shades of Grey. Really? I wonder.

Two little Ducks

I sit down here to write my birthday post. My twenty-second birthday. A lot of people my age do not like to say it aloud. The number. The two little ducks. I do not either. I have always been the one excited about growing older. Till today. I remember how I wanted to turn 16, then 18 and then the big 21. There has always been the excitement of growing up. To show off your age. At such times I always wondered why some of my older cousins would not be excited as much about their birthdays as me. That feeling is now sinking in. It’s glorious till your 21st birthday. NOT thereafter. Twenties come with a lot of crucial times- in all respects. A whole array of hard decisions which decide the course of your life. 

Reading old posts is always fun. I thought of going through the post I had written a year back when I just turned twenty one. And. I realised how some things have changed since then. 

If I have to draw a comparison, this birthday I was NOT sleeping at twelve. I was on the phone with a person NOT least expected. I would NOT exactly term the day as “adventurous”. And. Before the clock struck midnight and the next day began, I was again talking to the same person! A few things that have changed maybe in my transition from the twenty-one to the twenty-two. Otherwise. It was pretty much the same. Lunch with friends and dinner with family #whatilove ! An ideal day it was. With the perfect start and an even perfect-er ending. :D

PS. Thank you for that lovely post. The pictures and the mail. Inspite of your tight schedule. Meant way too much!

Cheers to Life

[Sharing another beautiful text I received..]

I’ve seen castles made out of sand,
Met people who believe destiny is engraved,
on the palm of their hands.
I’ve seen people change their faith,
Experienced love change into hate.
I’ve seen people grow younger with age,
And a bird who wouldn’t fly out of an open cage.
I’ve seen love sold for money,
People who are devastated inside,
But outside they’re funny.
I’ve seen the unicorn fall in love with the toad,
People who owned half the city, have now hit the road.
I’ve learned to expect the unexpected,
Perfection doesn’t exist, we’re all defected.
Everyone cries, some just hide their tears,
They say coal turns diamond over a thousand years.
Someone may believe you’re one in a million,
For others, you are just another anybody in the billion.
So live life with all that you have
Cherish all your moments happy or sad,
Feel blessed with what you are
Because life is too short
And we are just here for a moment.

My One Year Old Baby

And I did not realize it, but my blog just turned One on the 21st of April :-)

What a journey it has been. So much has changed since then. Touchwood. All for the better. I am happy. You have been lucky for me, dear blog!

WhatsApp

My blog of late would seem incomplete without a post dedicated to this wonderful application, my lifeline, my addiction, the witness to my many “important” conversations, WhatsApp. For starters, WhatsApp is a cross-platform messaging service. This ain’t a technology blog and I ain’t a tech-expert. So for those interested you can check out http://www.whatsapp.com. In case you decide to download it, please add me. I am always looking forward to increasing my favourites list.

Moving on. So Basically. This post is more about WhatsApp and I.

I started my journey with WhatsApp sometime in December 2010. I do not exactly remember how and when I first heard about it and what exactly got to me to download it. Infact then, I did not have many contacts on my Favourites list either. Nonetheless I am glad that I did. After all. Little did I know about it then. It was soon to pave the way to a new and interesting phase in my life. Since then, March 2011, WhatsApp has become more of a way of life for me. A staple diet. Something I cannot imagine my day without. It has helped me get in touch with old friends and brought me closer to the newer ones. And now. From this moment on. It shall also remain the only hope. In my quest to ensure that out of sight does not really mean out of mind! ;)

In Truth and Otherwise ;)

In Truth. The world has seen. In Truth. I have gotten used to your company yet you never fail to surprise me. (Not that I am complaining!) In Truth. I love having you by my side. In Truth. #thesecretisout

Since 1995.

H and I have been friends for the past Sixteen years. One of my oldest and closest friends. My only friend who’s been with me through my Ten years of schooling in Holy Child, the One year at Maria’s and the final Two in APS. A lot has changed between us over the years. We’ve had our share of fights, months of not talking to each other, staying out of touch et al. But we’ve lived through each phase. Misunderstandings have cropped. People have rejoiced and laughed. But each time, our ties emerged stronger and sometimes, all it took was a sorry to make it up. Even today, the level of comfort we share with each other is rather surprising. Not a change. Despite the not-so-smooth journey that we’ve had through the years, we can still share all that we want. We may not talk often. But we know that whenever we have to, the other is always there to listen. To give the best advice.

Today we met after really long. The third time in three years. The first time in Guwahati since we moved out. And. We just took off from where we had left. Time has changed so much since then. We have changed. The face of our city has too. But sometimes you never grow out of your comfort zone. We met up at our old haunt CCD, remembered old times, caught up with the new, discussed people’s whereabouts, walked down to Bakers Treat which holds “funny” memories for the two of us. And it was like living it all again! For a moment it felt as if time had stood still. It was heartening to see how much we know about each other. Little things that another person would maybe take years to learn. Sixteen long years of friendship thus, just showed!

What Lies Ahead

End of a journey this
The start of another,
Thus, a new beginning
Time again promises;
Shows a new ray of hope
Flickering at a distance,
A dream to chase
An excuse to cheer,
Amidst all the sorrow phase
A need to brush aside all the fear,
Of the future unknown.
So far so good it has been
Faith in the destiny
I, therefore, hold
All for the times together.

En-route

Pune-Hyderabad-Calcutta-Guwahati. My exams are finally over and I am on my way home. Two months. Of Family. Friends. Fun. Food. Travel. Sleep. Idleness. This 15-day short stint in Pune has been one of the most memorable so far. For a lot many reasons. Times that’ll remain etched in my memory forever. To cherish. Times that promise a new beginning. Of things brighter and happier. All of which comes down to the one. That constant factor from the time I arrived at Pune till the time I left today. More on all of that soon. :)

1230 hrs, 20/04/11

Calcutta Airport.

These Days

Yesterday I, thanks to my silliness, hurt my toe. Caught in rusted chains, it bled. Forced I was thus to get an injection. I did. The first one since the time I can remember.

Today was another day. Of preparations. Of RedBull. Of anxiety. A long night still ahead. It's not yet over!

Tomorrow is the day. The Sixth Semester exams begin. Three years down and done. At the end of this, I will be a graduate. Another small yet significant step in this journey of mine.

More excited or more nervous. I am still unsure. Maybe it's time to get back to the last kill. The penultimate revision. See you on the other side!

It is.

It is not about not being told what to do
It is about deciding what to do
It is not about not being answerable to others
It is more about being answerable to yourself
It is not about living alone
It is just about staying alone

That thing called 'Being Independent'

To Judge or Not To Judge?

I just read this story. Thought it'd be a great idea to share. To remember. To keep in mind. A simple truth we all tend to forget. 

Once upon a time, there was a painter who had just completed his course. He took 3 days and painted a beautiful scenery. He wanted people's opinion about his caliber and painting skills. He put his creation at a busy street-crossing. And just down below, a board which read -"I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes, etc. Please put a cross wherever you see a mistake."

While he came back in the evening to collect his painting, he was completely shattered to see that the whole canvass was filled with Xs (crosses) and some people had even written their comments on the painting. Disheartened and broken completely, he ran to his master's place and burst into tears. This young artist was breathing heavily and the master heard him saying "I'm useless and if this is what I have learnt to paint I'm not worth becoming a painter. People have rejected me completely. I feel like dying"

The master smiled and suggested "My Son, I will prove that you are a great artist and have learnt flawless painting. Do as I say without questioning it. It WILL work." The young artist reluctantly agreed and two days later, early in the morning he presented a replica of his earlier painting to his master. Master took that gracefully and smiled.

"Come with me", the master said. They reached the same street-square early morning and displayed the same painting exactly at the same place. Now, master took out another board which read -"Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. I have put a box with colors and brushes just below. Please do a favor. If you see a mistake, kindly pick up the brush and correct it."

Master and disciple walked back home. They both visited the place the same evening. Young painter was surprised to see that there was actually not a single correction done so far. Next day again they visited and found that the painting remained untouched.

In fact, it is said that the painting was kept there for a month but no correction came in!

Moral of the story: 

It is easier to criticize, but difficult to improve! So do not get carried away or judge yourself by someone else’s criticism and feel depressed. JUDGE YOURSELF FOR YOU ARE YOUR BEST JUDGE.

In me. I have faith. I believe.

The Best Company

I am watching the India - Pakistan cricket match. Giving live updates to my friend in China. Ms. A is originally from Pakistan. A Pakistan supporter for today's match. I, on the other hand, am a die-hard India fan. Rivals on the field they are today. While Sehwag's fours made me jump with joy till now, his wicket right now has given her the reason to smile.  

Yet together we are watching the match. Discussing ball-by-ball update on Gtalk. Friends across borders we are! This is what I call interesting company for an interesting match :D

This one is for “You” :)

This is going to be my 100th post. A month short of one year. I would have procrastinated and waited for a while longer so that the two milestones would coincide. But the urge to write today is strong. Especially when I know there are “people” waiting to read. And there is so much too.

What a journey this has been! To start with, statistics to me have been a  constant source of instant happiness. 21 Followers. 5600 Pageviews as I write this one. Direct visitors from Slovakia and Toronto to my blog, Misters and Misses unknown you all are to me, have unknowingly motivated me to post often. More often. Not to mention the ‘returning’ visitors I know of, I love the way you guys return every few hours looking for more!  Your enthusiasm. Your interest. To know about me. My life. There couldn’t have been a better reward at the end of this, my one year journey in this virtual world. Nothing better that could I have asked for.

When I started of as a stranger in this blogosphere, I was oblivious of how far my wings could expand. 33 posts in 9 months to 67 posts in 3 months. Kind of explains how much it has! I started blogging for myself. To keep a check. This was going to be my first time. Apprehensive I was of losing interest or at least suspecting that it would waver mid-way, but for the first time in my life, I was not uninterested in the role I had assumed. Of a blogger. A narrator. I continued, and the blog today stands as a testimony. It has been a witness to the change in me. Carefully marking out each phase. It stands out tall as a reminder of my state of  mind at different points of time. Sometimes, unknowingly contributing to it too!

Over the one year, a lot of people have consciously or unconsciously found mention into my blog quite a few times. Consciously, I would have definitely avoided this one to save you the awkwardness of reading about yourself (I know how it feels, after all) but then that would not do justice to this blog, my grub-shup space and for the people who read this blog to sneak a peek in to my life. To find mention in this space of mine which I hold very closely to my heart, which I love calling “mine” (Yes! I do go to the the extent of annoying people reminding them it is “my” blog #possessiveme), you definitely must hold a very significant place in my life. An important one too. Happy to know that you do not really mind, I can take the “advantage” to discuss the person that is you.

Dear Readers, this blog has marked “our” journey together so far, which has been #epicwin. With you, I have discovered the true meaning of “I can be me, you can be you and together we can be us”. My conversation with you can stretch to endless hours yet at the same time, a moment of silence is not awkward. This has been the highlight of our relationship. You have been the reason why I could discuss the most irrelevant stuff with utmost seriousness while all the serious deliberations were turned into a joke. You, in ways more than one, have defined the journey to myself.

A thank you would never be sufficient. Nonetheless, that is all I can do for now. Thank you for your company at all times. “Sincerely” hoping that it continues to be so.

Loads of love,

Yours!

I thought I knew you till I read your blog

A blog speaks a lot about you. It is like a part of your self. It reflects you. Who you are. The kind of person. Your strengths and your weaknesses. I have never been good at reading a person. It has always proved to be be an upheaval task. Yet in this virtual world, I read so many blogs. Of known and unknown people. And I either get to know them a little more or a little less (?), with every post I read. Their imagination. Their fantasy. Their turmoils. Their "other" world.

Just like they surprise me with their posts, I surprise myself too. Going through my 98 posts so far, at points of time I fail to recognize myself. Those words do not seem to be my words. But sometime somewhere they must have occurred to me to find their way here. At times like these, I look at myself in the mirror and these words pour out- "I thought I knew you till I read your blog!"

Vice-Versa

Need a want? Or want a need?

A want is nice and friendly. It gives you a desire. Acts like the driving force. Gives you a reason to go for that extra bit. #whatilike

A need is the opposite. It is arrogant. It leaves you vulnerable and weak. #whatidontlike

Just a thought!

He and She - 2.

In continuation to my earlier post: He and She. Click here.

...And they continued to live their separate lives. They never came face to face. Oblivious of each other. Till today. They were destined to meet. Again!

Testing times

There are times in life

You know what you want

Yet you hope that want remains

Just a want, not a need

Not your forte that space

Destruction you have already seen

Do not want to see it again

That which makes you go weak-kneed

Neither a nice nor a desirable feeling it is!

Yet for you, a weakness 

And now, it serves as a bait

A little bit of all that the want has to offer

Once bitten, twice shy syndrome, eh?

My cocoon

The trip to Dibrugarh brought back a lot of fond memories - of the times gone by. All of which I realized were carefully preserved yet seldom recalled. Busy in this rush called “life” I had failed to notice the pace at which the things had moved. This trip just did that – made me realise how time had flown, how we had all moved ahead in our lives for greener pastures while the old house, my cocoon, my favourite place in the world, as I call it has stood still in time watching it all. 

I was born in Dibrugarh and here, I lived in my grandparents’ house for the first 2 years of my life before moving to Guwahati. That is my first memory of that place. Mostly captured in pictures though! The only clear memory that I have of then is maybe of Bruno, our dog and the lawns. Soon I moved to Guwahati and since then, Dibrugarh has always been my vacation spot. That time of the year I have always looked forward to, when all of us - cousins would meet. The house has been a witness to our laughter, our fights, our pranks, our gossip and what not! It has been like this huge tree we took shade under.

We would wake up “early” morning and our day would begin with tea and milk in the porch. Koka sitting in the big “sliding” chair and all of us sitting around him. There would always be a squabble for who would sit on the white-painted bamboo chairs and who would have to carry theirs from the office rooms. Mr. and Ms. Sparrows would visit us and we would share our biscuits with them. Butterflies swarmed the lawns where Aita’s flowers would be in full bloom. We could play. Roll on the ground. Do whatever we felt like. Once our milk was over. That was the pre-condition. If a few of us were here, a few of us would be in the backyard – the vegetable garden, the cow shed, the room for the hens and the not-very-big paddy field. All of this would go on, till one-by-one each of us would be summoned to have our bath and get ready for breakfast. Breakfast would be served in the long table and extra chairs would be put to accommodate us all. We would then rush to the house next door where our second cousins’ lived and if the ten of us weren’t enough, we would have three more for our company! Crazy times in their terrace or fishing/boating in the big pond behind our house in our rickety wooden boat, we were all over the place. Lunch and the afternoon nap to re-energise was then a regular affair. Evenings were similarly abuzz with activity and the time for conversations narrating our day’s incidents to whoever seemed even a little interested. And before our long day would come to an end, the planning for the next day would have already begun.

Those were some days. I truly miss!

#writersblock :|

There are again days when you write. Cut it. Write again. Backspace. Till you come up with that final thing that you have been trying for so long. I am having one of those days. There is so much I want to write about. So much to “vent”. A different kind of writer’s block this!

PS. My new love with the #tags ;)

Old is gold

Happenings of late have made me realise that no matter how hard I try to seem indifferent to the things around, I really am not. A few months back I had blogged about how I had mastered that art and how I was clueless whether it was all in the right direction. A few things here and a few things there have given me the answer to my question. I am not indifferent. I cannot be, no matter how hard I try. Little things do affect me. Still. 

Each time I have been bothered, I have looked around. I did again. And I am happy I have found the same people by my side. Then and now. :)

A not so happy change

I just changed the name of my blog again. Thanks to SDS who pointed out last night that there is another blog with the exact same name! I woke up at 2 am to this new piece of information and the feeling to change the name has been there ever since.

*the positive side* A reminder yet again  that I am not the only one and there are people who do think on the same lines.  

*the not-so-good side* Alas! my spark of creativity was not to be. My bubble thus, burst.

Well, I am not too sure as to which side is winning. So I will keep this for later.

I like my blog to be "the" one. And I am sure every blogger out there does. Ms. P, the other blogger wouldn't be too happy too if she found out about mine. I am sure. I wasn't too keen about hers either. "A-musing" had given me new meanings, in more ways than one. I did not want to let it go, at least not so soon. 

At the same time, I wanted my blog to have a unique name, which set it apart from the rest. So half-heartedly, the search for a new name began. The person who led me to this new name was very kind to leave his "best-friends" and help me come up with a name for mine. We discussed quite a few interesting ones. And prompt too! A heart-felt thank you to you, when you read this :D. Had it not been for the typo in your text, this definitely wouldn't have struck me!

Of "Of my fort(e)s and weak-(k)ness". Well, it shall be my fort. Else's weak-knees. It shall be the story of my strengths and weaknesses. It will reflect the transition of my weaknesses into my strengths. My blog is my weakness. It shall continue to be. Above all, it shall be "my" own. And, weak-(k)ness (read "weak knees") after today has a very special meaning. It shall bear witness to that fact too! Like it holds all my secrets (with all the double meanings!), it shall hold this too.

Now, ain't I just getting better with every name. The next time you need help choosing one, I am sure you know where to look to?

MEMORIES OF KOKA

Our dearest Koka is no more, yet our memories remain. “Koka”, the very word brings to our mind the portrait of a quiet and serene figure in clean and white Kurta Pajamas, sitting in the porch lost in his thoughts or browsing through the newspaper.

Koka was a man of few words and sometimes it became very difficult for us to elicit a word out of him. But sometimes when he was in mood, he would let us have a glimpse of his eventful life, especially of his school and college days. Such occasions were rare and very special to us because usually when we pestered him to tell us stories, he would only say “Kailey Kom” (I’ll tell tomorrow), but “Kailey” would never come.

Koka was not one to display his affections openly, no hugs or kisses as such, but everytime we came to Dibrugarh, we could see his face light up with a smile and his one word “Ahila” (So you have come) reflected his immense love for us all. For us this meant a lot more than hugs or kisses.

Koka was always the first one to get up in the morning. Whenever we were in Dibrugarh, every morning we would be woken by Koka’s booming yet kind voice. He never allowed us to sleep late. He wanted us to make good use of our time.

Koka was a gourmet. Good food, fish in particular was his weakness. He also liked watching others enjoy food. Whenever we came to Dibrugarh he would have varieties of eatables bought.

To others Koka was a great politician, an astute lawyer. But to us, he was first and foremost “Koka” who always had time for us – to give us advice, to tell us rare stories. In fact, he was like a huge tree engulfing us in its shade.

All these sweet memories of yesterday, memories of the happier times which he had spent with us are now only a part of the past. Koka is no more. But we hope that wherever he is, he finds true peace and happiness, maybe more than this world offered to him.

By:

Ankur, Nishita, Raktim, Rachita, Pallavi,

Rashmi, Raya, Bristi, Rohan, Gayatri.

(His grandchildren)

05/08/1998

So many reasons to make this day special

It is a big day for my friends, Prayashi and Risha, "the" two of my closest and my best-est friends. You guys are in Bombay to turn your dreams into reality. To sit for an interview that will decide your destiny. You have worked much and now is the time. All the best, my two loves. I know you can. I believe. I trust. 

Sheena, a sister more than friend in Pune and Aisha, who made the Mauritius stay all the worth, it's a special day as you guys turn a year older (and wiser, hopefully!) ;) Just kidding. You both belong to my list of "brilliant people". I love the kid in you. That's what makes you both so special in a world full of "mature" people. I love to share with you 'cause you care to listen. You are my bags of laughter. I love you both. Wish you a Happy Zappy Kick-ass Birthday!

Have the nicest day :D

All my love!

Moving on

I love mystery.

I love the unknown. 

I love the thrill of moving towards it. 

To discover. 

To know. 

Once done that, the inquisitiveness covered, 

The unknown known, it all ends. 

The interest wanes. 

There is calm again. 

The search for another territory begins. 

Another dream to chase. 

Life goes on.

I can see it happening again.

Things on my mind

In no particular order,

1. Exams. Exam time-table is out. It’s again a do or die situation. Tomorrow 7 o’clock I shall start studying “sincerely”.

2. Food. Momos for breakfast and lunch at “Red”. My ideal Sunday.

3. Travel. My tickets to Pune have just been booked. 5th of April. Bombay, here I come!

Silver lining in the clouds

On an otherwise boring mundane Thursday afternoon, what beings me joy is the fact that my Indiblogger rank has gone up and my total pageviews is close to reaching the 5K mark.

:D

Being “me”

Being me isn’t easy. That is because I am different. I tell myself. But this difference is only relative. For I am sure in this big bad wide world, there are many people just like me. Many. A lot of them. With ideas. Thoughts. Likes. Dislikes. Similiar. But they aren't the people I spend my life with. The fact is that there is no such person in my world. The world I love in. My cocoon. The people I spend my life with, I am not like any of them. Yet when I come across them, who do not make me feel like the outsider in my own life, I know I am not an aberration.

Practising a virtue

My patience is being tested. But I shall still maintain my calm. I am counting forward. I am counting backwards. Patience is a virtue, they say. The key to success. I never know what this one’s worth!

*Touchwood*

This was supposed to be a surprise till I returned to Pune. But

...

"Congratulations, Miss Best Ops Nationally for the year 2010!! Proud of you girl :) :)"

"Hi Raya, congrats! you won the "Best Operations" for last year"

...

Lol!

Mr. A, disappointed, tells me, "Never told you cause we were planning to give you a surprise, with all the crowning ceremony and all".

A dream come true it is :D Yes! the MAD "crown" for Best VP Operations belongs to me. Affirms my faith that all the right things are happening this year and I am so loving it! 

Thanks guys! As for the surprise bit, it's the thought that counts. I will still act surprised, with the O-expression. 

=P

Love!

Finally I blog from home

The fact that I am blogging again means I am home. This side of the world. Where there is peace. Happiness. Bliss. It’s like some divine intervention in the otherwise busy hectic life we lead. It’s funny how while in Pune, I crave to blog and no net-access sometimes drives me crazy, at home where there is internet all the time, I am blogging after two full days of reaching. That’s how much I crave to share. To talk. For someone to listen. Here I have been busy so far with my “verbal onslaughts” and I have a wonderful audience. I have not spared anyone!

*doing the victory dance*

=P

Ego v. Attitude

What I perceive as my ego, you perceive it as my attitude. Neither is an excuse. The crux remains that negativity affects the way we think.

Next time shall be from home

Finally, I am at the airport to go home. With a lot of memories this time. This semester has been a dream. Each month getting better than the other. Definitely my best semester in law school so far. The other day Mr. A sarcastically remarked, “Living your dream, eh?” I smiled. Did not reply. Now, I wish I had.

Back to the present, I am sitting at the airport. I reached like two hours early. Check-in was smooth. I had my second strawberry milkshake in six hours. The first one was better, thanks to the company. I do notice that a lot of mention has been made about the “company” in recent times. I agree with you mister that the company matters and am I glad to be in yours! Your sense of humour is so contagious that it has rubbed off on your number/network right now and it’s acting funny. Lol!

The atmosphere at the airport is always amazing. The kind of people you meet. Sometimes which progresses to conversations. Otherwise just a glimpse of different ways of life. That’s the best part of my journey always. I love the wait, thanks to what I get to see around. A panorama. Of unfolding of events. A continuously passing changing scene. Today, I have restrained myself from striking “random” conversations though the strong urge to do so. Well, did happen! In fact, I was almost about to join one when a friend called. By the time I hung up, those fellow-conversationalists were gone. They were a young group of professionals working in Pune on their way to Bangalore for a meeting. Looking around then, I saw  a young kid “the unaccompanied minor” being led by the ground-staff towards the boarding gate. It brought back to me memories of those summer vacations when mom and dad would pack me and my brother off to our grandparents place and Koka and Aita would be there at the airport to receive us. The privileged treatment- we were the first to enter and the first to leave the “aeroplane”. What a thrill! Something I looked forward to always. Makes me wonder haven’t I always loved attention! ;)

Boarding has just been announced and so, am off now. Thank you A-musing for keeping me busy! The next time I blog shall be from Guwahati. Home.

Till then,

All my love!

A-Musing

I just changed the name of my blog. For the third time. Why? Just like that. Like everything around deserves a change, my blog does to. Otherwise it gets too monotonous.

A-musing is an interesting name. While musing means contemplation and thought, my blog is a reflection of just that. Me. My mind. And then, yes it's amusing (read entertaining) for me to read what I have written after that moment has passed. I amuse/surprise myself. Double meaning. It is! I love both. So when this name struck me in my Family lecture today, I decided to rush back and effect the change.  

Hence, the original "Expressions" later know as "Scribbles" will henceforth be known as "A-musing". The name has changed but it will continue to remain the same. My space. My blog. My baby.

A happy day

It wasn’t the perfect start to the day but as they say, it all changes when you are in the right company. By the end of it, I can vouch for the fact that today was definitely one of the better days. Those happy carefree awesome days. Two souls. Laughing. The khula wala hassi. The joke upon one. Then the other. People joined and then left. The joy of small talks. Nonsensical ones. They failed to understand. It is so much easier. Where you do not think before saying anything. For you know you will not be judged. You aren’t scared. ROFLMAO. That is what I literally did! And like my favourite quote by Habib Bourguiba says, “Happy is the person who can laugh at himself for he never ceases to be amused.” Who can better explain it than the man who I think mastered it today! Not once, but thrice. It is always nice to be in the company of a happy person. Today was no exception!

A Warning!

Certain things irritate me beyond measure. And this, my friend, is one of those things. I am NOT a very nice person when I am cranky. So it is better for you and for me that you DO NOT rub me on the wrong side. Otherwise, beware! I will try my best to recover what I have lost and in case I don’t, then you better watch out.